I get a lot of email, comments and tweets about my family
that flat out surprise me. I’m pretty public with the fact that I have a trans wife and
a trans daughter, so they probably shouldn’t. People feel like they need to weigh
in on this new idea of family. I get it.
While I don’t always have the time to respond the way I’d
like to when I receive these comments or questions, I’m happy to do so in my
blog whenever I can.
Here are five of my faves this month. Grab a coffee and come peruse my inbox with me:
1. “I don’t understand
your family.”
And I don’t understand why you felt the need to share that
with me, so I guess we’re both total mysteries.
The thing is, I’m not asking you to understand us. Hell, there’s
a lot of things I don’t understand. That doesn’t mean I have to hate on them,
though. I hope you know this, too. I’m just asking you to respect us as much as
you respect everyone else.
Although, maybe you’re this forthright with everyone you don’t
know. In which case, carry on.
2. “Your husband is just
a pervert!”
Oh, dear. This is awkward.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but I don’t have a
husband. You seemed to have confused me with someone else.
See, I have a wife. She’s female. It says so on her birth certificate and her license and
every other piece of I.D. she has. But even without all the legalities, she
told me she’s a woman and, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s all that matters.
So I have a wife. Period.
Sorry you made that mistake, though. That must be weird for
you.
3. “What’s the best
thing about your wife transitioning?”
Boobs. Next question.
4. “NO BUT WHAT IS YOUR
SEXUAL ORIENTATION? I MUST KNOW RIGHT NOW”
Everyone’s favourite burning question. It keeps coming up
again and again.
I think Zoe is hot. I also think Justin Trudeau is hot. I also
think Pink is hot. I also think Chris Hemsworth is hot…
Hey, maybe I’m the
pervert.
I dig hearts, not parts, ok? I’ve said that over and over. Sexual
orientation, like gender, is a spectrum. I guess I fall somewhere in the middle
of it. If you want to call that bisexual, go for it. If you want to say I’m
pansexual, great. If you want to say I’m a lesbian, cool. Whatever gets me a toaster
oven.
I actually had someone try to argue with me that I’m
straight because I married my spouse when she presented as a he. Let me tell you
what I would never do: argue with someone
over their sexual orientation. But hey, I guess everyone needs a hobby.
This person was convinced I don’t like women because, if I
did, I would have married one who presented that way from the start. Or, I was always
a closeted lesbian who married a man and it just worked out for me in the end
(uhh…).
This point was very important to her. It seemed like she
needed to fit me into a tidy little orientation box for her personal wellbeing.
Poor thing.
Here’s the thing: My job is not to make everyone comfortable.
My job is to live my life in the best way I know how, to love my people as fiercely
as I can, and to hopefully make a positive impact in the world by doing so.
Sometimes we have to sit with uncomfortableness until that,
too, becomes comfortable for us. That’s how we get used to new ideas.
Maybe my family is a new idea that people have to get used
to.
5. “You haven’t
explained to me how I’m supposed to support your family as a Christian.”
Ok, well, first of all, I’m not God or Jesus or a priest,
pastor, minister, or anyone else who can offer someone spiritual guidance. I’m
just a woman from Canada. I can explain poutine to you, but not biblical
passages.
But I did grow up Catholic, even though I don’t identify as
one today. I went to mass. I’ve read the bible. I’m familiar with the handful
of “evidence” people use to hate on trans people.
But that “evidence” is bullshit. It’s a copout. Frankly, if
you’re hating on trans people because you read a couple of lines in the Old
Testament about girls not wearing guys’ clothes or vice versa, you’re ignoring
the much bigger picture in the teachings: love. Maybe you get an A on this one
test, but you’re still failing the course.
The New Testament – based on the teachings of God’s son (you
know, the one sent by Him to better the world?) – is all about loving one
another. Let he without sin cast the first stone. Hanging with prostitutes. All
that good stuff. And remember, Christian begins with “Christ”. He’s a pretty important part of the religion.
To the droves of Christians who come at me on social media to
tell me how sinful my family is: It’s not up to anyone to judge others. That’s not your call. It’s not your place.
Even I know this. What you’re practicing is hate, the opposite of the Christian
teachings. You’re hiding behind religion to be a bigot, and that’s a flimsy
shield, my friend. It doesn’t hold up.
What would Jesus do? Probably tell you to chill out and love
your fellow human beings, that’s what. If you believe in an afterlife, the
Almighty will sort it all out for you.
In the meantime, I know where to get a great poutine. Look us up when you’re in town, eh?