Okay. Deep breath.
This is about to be the second hardest post
I've written on this blog. I'm not the best at handling change. It normally
involves several cookies stuffed unceremoniously in my mouth. But since I'm
portioning out and weighing all my damn food right now like a shmoe, I'm going
to have to go at it raw. (That last part sounded wonderfully dirty.)
In the last couple of days, my family has
opened our doors to journalists from two sizeable media outlets. Both have come into
our home to talk to our daughter about living as a transgender child, and to
the rest of us about what it's like to love and support her. We also spoke
about Bill C-279, the transgender rights bill, and how important it is that it
passes into Canadian law swiftly and without amendment.
What this means is that very soon the world
- or at least our corner of it - will know our daughter's real name and what
she looks like. It's big scary stuff.
Allowing this to happen was a big decision
for our family. It involved many deep discussions. We did not take it lightly,
and we nearly nixed the entire thing on more than one occasion. We know it's a
decision that carries risk, but we also know it can carry a lot of hope.
Many trans people and families with trans
children feel the need to hide, in one way or another, out of fear for their
safety. Despite us being well into the twenty-first century, there continue to
be a small number of hateful people and groups who make it their mission to
harass, threaten, or even harm members of the LGBT community. I completely
understand why many in the community stay under the radar.
There are also many trans people and
families who choose to be very public. They do so for various reasons, but
often it's because they want to raise awareness and encourage acceptance of the
trans community. Where exposure goes, education follows, then societal
acceptance. I completely understand why many go public.
Our initial game plan was this: Mom (that
would be me) goes public on her blog, and she posts using the
endearing-turned-terribly-appropriate nickname "Gutsy" that she's
always used for her now-out transgender daughter. No pictures are posted
outside of Mom's personal Facebook page. This would allow mom (that would be me
again) to learn, grow and advocate for her child in the best way she knows how,
while maintaining a certain level of privacy for safety reasons.
And in our everyday, our family was out to
everyone. At that time it was a nice in-between, a good balance.
But things can change. Transitions are
so... transition-y. As my daughter
found herself, she also found her strength and her voice. As I did when she
came out to us, she found new purpose. She watched me advocate for her on the
internet, on radio and in magazines, and she started wanting to do so as well, in
her own way; not for her, but for the kids who don't have as much support as
she does.
At first I hesitated. I felt it was too
dangerous. I told her there are hateful people out there, ranging from trolls
to far worse. But there are other trans
kids doing this all the time and it's been okay for them, she countered.
She's right. We even know some of them personally. And the more I thought about
it, the more I realized that if this were another issue she wanted to advocate
for - hearing loss, learning disabilities, asthma, mental health, or anything
else that affects her daily life - I wouldn't be so hesitant.
I dug deeper into my feelings on the issue.
What it came down to was figuring out why people aren't always supportive of
trans rights. The answer? Ignorance - plain and simple. People fear what they
don't know. People judge what they deem abnormal.
Why not educate? Why not make it, well, normal?
So, when we were asked to do these
interviews, we said yes. Let people get
to know us. Let them get to know our insightful daughter and her incredible
brothers. Let them get a taste of our typical life: mom and dad and three kids
living in the suburbs, heading off to school, going to work, making meals and
paying stupid bills. We're a lot like
you. We just happen to have a transgender child.
Let my daughter advocate for herself and
her right to use public women's washrooms. Let her teach the world that gender
is what's between your ears, not your legs. Let her use her voice to help other
children, to educate their families, and to encourage their communities to be
more accepting.
But before all that happens, before the
media floodgates open, I want to introduce you, the people who have supported
us through everything, to my daughter.
 |
| Why yes, she does have the coolest. hair. EVER. |
This is Alexis. She is 12 and sweet and
funny and way smarter than me. Like, way
smarter.
She loves board games and computers and
riding her bike. She loves her family and friends deeply. She rocks at card
tricks. She's an incredible DJ and musician. She has the greatest laugh.
And since embracing who she really is, she
is the happiest she has ever been. Ever.
She knows the risk she's taking, but she's
taking it anyway in order to help others. And if that doesn't exemplify
bravery, I don't know what does.
 |
| Alexis being interviewed by the CBC this morning. She's a total natural. |
Here we are. We're out out. Wow. I won't lie and tell you I'm not afraid. Of course I
am. But Alex is choosing to step up and make the world a better place, and that
fills me with far more hope than fear.
So no matter what happens in the next
little while, I know we chose hope over fear.
And that means hope wins.
:)