I'm back from vacation! Of course you missed me while I've been gone, crying tears of blog-less sadness and what-have-you.
We went to Prince Edward Island for the second year in a row. It involved two days of travel each way and a fair amount of chaos. Still, it was smoother than last year - in large part because we're learning the ins and outs of successful family travel. I've decided to share my trip tips with you because I'm just that nice.
(My birthday is coming up in a few days. Please remember how nice I am.)
HOW TO SURVIVE A FAMILY VACATION:
1. Remember to pack lightly. Fewer shirts, fewer pants, fewer kids. Whatever works.
2. Bring traveling essentials: crayons, colouring books, pillows, dart guns, barbiturates...
3. If traveling by car, remember to allocate time for frequent stops: bathroom breaks for them, crying-in-the-bathroom breaks for you, and threatening-to-leave-them-on-the-side-of-the-road-I'm-not-even-joking-anymore-kids rest stop breaks.
4. If traveling by plane, remember to bring along some of those blinders the horses wear and put them on your face so as to avoid the wary looks from passengers as you sit your children next to them.
5. Choose a kid-friendly hotel. It'll be the loud one where children are behaving even more poorly than your own. Take a moment to gaze upon your little angels and be so, so proud of them - and you, because you are an amazing parent compared to the ones in 312 and 207.
6. Make sure the hotel includes a complimentary breakfast. That way you can watch your children eat without looking down at your wallet.
7. Do not over-schedule your trip. Too many activities can be overwhelming for everyone, resulting in whining and possibly tantrums.
8. Do not under-schedule your trip. Too few activities can be underwhelming for everyone, resulting in whining and possibly tantrums.
9. Sit down and try to figure out the precise amount of activities needed to have a vacation free of whining and possibly tantrums. You may also want to Google Map your way to the nearest asylum, because that's where you'll be headed if you keep trying to solve the unsolvable.
10. Bring a book with you. You'll never have time to read it, but it will give you something to sigh and frown at that won't be traumatized.
11. Glare at those people who seem to have kids who thrive on vacations. You don't like those people because they're the ones who make you think your family can have that kind of stress-free fun. Also, they get to actually read their books. To make yourself fell better, fashion little voodoo dolls out of envy and resentment, place them in twigs tied together a la Blair Witch, and put them in front of their cabin doors. This could be a great downtime activity for your non-book-reading family.
12. Know your family's limits. Book-reading families can head somewhere for 2 or 3 weeks. Your family's ideal vacation time may be shorter, like 2 or 3hours days. Own it, accept it, and enjoy what your kids are capable of handling.
13. Stop and appreciate every quiet moment - those rare times when everyone is on their best behaviour and no one is wishing for a giant bottle of scotch. Turn to your partner and sentimentally say how great this vacation has been, and how you should definitely do it again next year. Or, if you don't have a partner, mention it out loud to yourself. Don't worry, it's no crazier than the way you're thinking in these moments, anyway.
14. Take lots of pictures. Then, when you get home, share the pictures where everyone is smiling and happy. The website might ask if you really want to create an album that only has 3 photos in it. Click 'YES'. Name your album something positive, like "Our best vacation ever!" or "Wonderful seaside memories" or whatever else will help your brain re-write history.
15. Take a picture of you holding a book in your bathing suit and add it to the photo album. History re-write complete. What an excellent trip! Rinse and repeat next year.
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| We went here. It was awesome. Minus all those moments when it wasn't. |
We went to Prince Edward Island for the second year in a row. It involved two days of travel each way and a fair amount of chaos. Still, it was smoother than last year - in large part because we're learning the ins and outs of successful family travel. I've decided to share my trip tips with you because I'm just that nice.
(My birthday is coming up in a few days. Please remember how nice I am.)
HOW TO SURVIVE A FAMILY VACATION:
1. Remember to pack lightly. Fewer shirts, fewer pants, fewer kids. Whatever works.
2. Bring traveling essentials: crayons, colouring books, pillows, dart guns, barbiturates...
3. If traveling by car, remember to allocate time for frequent stops: bathroom breaks for them, crying-in-the-bathroom breaks for you, and threatening-to-leave-them-on-the-side-of-the-road-I'm-not-even-joking-anymore-kids rest stop breaks.
4. If traveling by plane, remember to bring along some of those blinders the horses wear and put them on your face so as to avoid the wary looks from passengers as you sit your children next to them.
5. Choose a kid-friendly hotel. It'll be the loud one where children are behaving even more poorly than your own. Take a moment to gaze upon your little angels and be so, so proud of them - and you, because you are an amazing parent compared to the ones in 312 and 207.
6. Make sure the hotel includes a complimentary breakfast. That way you can watch your children eat without looking down at your wallet.
7. Do not over-schedule your trip. Too many activities can be overwhelming for everyone, resulting in whining and possibly tantrums.
8. Do not under-schedule your trip. Too few activities can be underwhelming for everyone, resulting in whining and possibly tantrums.
9. Sit down and try to figure out the precise amount of activities needed to have a vacation free of whining and possibly tantrums. You may also want to Google Map your way to the nearest asylum, because that's where you'll be headed if you keep trying to solve the unsolvable.
10. Bring a book with you. You'll never have time to read it, but it will give you something to sigh and frown at that won't be traumatized.
11. Glare at those people who seem to have kids who thrive on vacations. You don't like those people because they're the ones who make you think your family can have that kind of stress-free fun. Also, they get to actually read their books. To make yourself fell better, fashion little voodoo dolls out of envy and resentment, place them in twigs tied together a la Blair Witch, and put them in front of their cabin doors. This could be a great downtime activity for your non-book-reading family.
12. Know your family's limits. Book-reading families can head somewhere for 2 or 3 weeks. Your family's ideal vacation time may be shorter, like 2 or 3
13. Stop and appreciate every quiet moment - those rare times when everyone is on their best behaviour and no one is wishing for a giant bottle of scotch. Turn to your partner and sentimentally say how great this vacation has been, and how you should definitely do it again next year. Or, if you don't have a partner, mention it out loud to yourself. Don't worry, it's no crazier than the way you're thinking in these moments, anyway.
14. Take lots of pictures. Then, when you get home, share the pictures where everyone is smiling and happy. The website might ask if you really want to create an album that only has 3 photos in it. Click 'YES'. Name your album something positive, like "Our best vacation ever!" or "Wonderful seaside memories" or whatever else will help your brain re-write history.
15. Take a picture of you holding a book in your bathing suit and add it to the photo album. History re-write complete. What an excellent trip! Rinse and repeat next year.