Dear school,
Thank you very much for your letters home asking for money. We love to give out money! Nothing makes a parent happier than paying a yearly school tax and school fees on top of buying everything from binders to paper towel for our children's classrooms. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.
But wait! Just when we think the party's over, you show us how to put the "fun" back into fundraising! In the seven weeks since school started, we've done a $50 bottle drive (but were unfortunately scolded for only raising $25 - shame on us), a weekend BBQ and a now an entertainment book sale, in which we're supposed to convince people they want to buy a bunch of coupons for $35. Because people never get coupons for free or anything. You have to pay for them.
Oh! And today I had the joy of spending $50 on school pictures and $40 on Intrepid's running team registration. Gutsy wants to do the lunch tae kwon do program, too. I hear there's another fundraiser in the works, and, if we don't make enough money, we have to pay outright for our child's end-of-year trip. I'm crossing my fingers that we'll be able to part with more cash!
It's a good thing we're loaded like most families and thus have a bunch of money to blow on this stuff. Otherwise I might have to inquire as to your most sexually frustrated faculty member in hopes of acquiring a financial waiver.
Must go. It's the best time of day to pick $20 bills off the money trees in the backyard.
Richly yours,
The Maven
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