It's true: God loves vegetarians. Way up in the clouds lives a deity with the biggest collection of hemp robes anyone has ever seen.
Allow me to explain in that long, rambling way I normally explain things: I woke up with more non-coffee-induced energy than I've had, well, ever. After my shower I stood in front of the mirror admiring the Incredible Disappearing Double Chin, before flashing myself a sexy grin and dashing off to playgroup.
Oh, wait. I put clothes on first. In fact, my body felt fantastic and I slipped into a pair of once-too-tight jeans with no problem at all. Then, ten minutes before my departure, Flashdance the coffee fairy arrived with an extra large, two cream. She couldn't make it to our first playgroup day so she figured she would at least bring me some java. I love her and I would marry her, except she would probably stop bringing me coffee right after the ceremony. At the moment we're in the courting phase and she's my sugar mama. We need not take this any further.
During playgroup, Spawnling filled a shopping basket with plastic animals. My friend, Pixie (also a new veggie convert), pointed out that some were not only animals, but endangered species.
My toddler is obviously rebelling against my new lifestyle. Next thing I know he'll be stoning Canada Geese in a nearby river to get attention.
Sadly, his sentiments have been echoed here and there as people hear of my decision to forgo land meat (and I'm seriously considering ocean meat, too). Of course I don't expect a parade in my honour (maybe just a medal or a knighting or something), but some support and respect would be nice. When I think about it, I guess it's a bit like quitting drinking: the last people you can expect support from are the ones still in the bar. I know I'm a freak. When have I claimed otherwise? Now I'm a vegetarian, too. But I'm a freaky vegetarian with feelings, and my feelings are a bit hurt.
Thankfully the majority of people have been really cool about it, even if it's not their thing and those people will get Christmas cards this year.
But, to console myself, I decided to put my (VERY, VERY, VERY loud today) gremlins to bed a little earlier and head off to the book store. I wanted to go with someone, but after several phone calls I couldn't pull anyone away from television or family time. I get television, but family time? Maven time is so much more fun, and I had Fourbucks giftcards to spend, too! Who wants to hang out with their crumb snatchers when they can get down with the meat-free, non-drinking, non-smoking party animal that I am?
Putting it that way I don't think I would hang out with myself, either. I'm going to have to come up with a snazzier description.
So, basically, I went to the bookstore all by myself.
Don't be sad. That's the part of the story where I'm at my lowest. It draws the reader in for more. After this comes all the good stuff.
Once I got there, three good things happened.
First, one of my friends was too tired to come, so she sent her husband as a surprise replacement. Therefore I was given a shopping partner and someone who's ear I could talk off. I must have sounded really desperate on the phone. Sweet.
Second, I bought this book, which I think will be a nice follow-up to the book that changed my life.
Third and most importantly, God loves vegetarians. And because of this, I was given two free soy lattes by the Fourbucks employees. Why? Because they liked me and they liked talking to me and they liked my choice in books and they wrote down some other ones for me to read after, too. Why else? Because I may be fat and have a big nose, but I'm damn charismatic. Why else else? Because she said she didn't feel like ringing up my drinks and would rather stand and talk to me.
I think I like the first two reasons the best, though, so let's pretend I didn't say the third. Getting free drinks because the cashier was lazy is not nearly as cool.
That's the second time just over a week that Fourbucks employees have given me free stuff for the sake of giving me free stuff. And that just totally rocks.
The simple act of giving me $10 worth of designer coffee (one was in my brand new travel mug given to me by Photo Lush, which will help me save the planet one drink at a time) made my entire day a little brighter.
Isn't that awesome? Aren't I amazing? Where's my halo? Did a cow eat it? Don't cows have eight stomachs? How do I humanely retrieve something from a cow's insides?
The cruely-free halo retrievement brainstorming session will commence early tomorrow morning. Until then, I'm going to bed.