Yesterday was most excellent. I had a wicked time at the museum and a nice, relaxing (I threw that in because it sounded good, not because it's true) evening with Geekster and the gremlins. We played 'Break the Safe', which is a great game to encourage criminal behaviour in one's children. After all, if we can't afford to put them through college how else are they going to pay for their books?
I'm sitting here drinking burnt decaf coffee (circa two hours ago, reheated in microwave because I am too lazy to make a new pot) and reflecting on the day I've had. Thankfully, being a mom to three, I get a great deal of time for reflection. One of RHCP's new CDs is playing in the background and I'm trying to make sense of exactly what the hell just happened today and what it means.
Today started off as totally craptastic. I woke up anxiety-ridden. Why? Because I knew today was the girl games championship and I was being pushed off the bench and into the playing field.
Girl games suck. I've spent hours defending womankind to a good friend of mine. 'Girls are mean. I'm scared off of most of them,' she tells me on a fairly regular basis. 'But we're not all like that, you know. You're not. I'm not. Well, not anymore. I sort of used to be, I guess. But I've always sucked at playing the games so nobody picks me for their team anyway'.
But Maven, how do I play?
The first rule in girl games makes them very easy to play: assume the worst. If I don't hold the door for you, asssume that I saw you and couldn't be bothered. If I don't smile as we cross paths, assume that I'm unfriendly. If I don't call you for a month, assume that I'm angry or uncaring.
But coming up with negative things about other people isn't always easy. What can I do?
Don't sweat it, my estrogen-filled friend. That's why this is a team sport! Very few people can come up with something bad about every person. If you don't find something your teamates surely will. Then all you have to do is agree with them. You'll get your chance at bringing something negative to the table, too.
What equipment do I need to play?
No equipment is necessary, but a computer is highly recommended. Since most communication is through tone and body language, online conversations are more easily misinterpreted. You could try this in person, but it's much easier to sleep at night when you don't have a personal relationship with the opponent.
How are the teams divided?
To start, there is usually one person on one team (team 1) and everyone else on the other (team 2). It's best if team 1 doesn't know they're on a team at first so Team 2 can work on its assumptions and methods of delivery. People may switch teams as many times as they want.
What are the methods of delivery?
This is best left up to the individuals on Team 2. Everyone can choose their own methods of delivery to Team 1, such as cryptic comments, eye rolling or just overall avoidance. If Team 1 asks what's going on, it's best not to have any manner of civilized conversation about the assumption(s). Instead, have a full-out brawl that accomplishes nothing but hurt feelings.
How do I win?
Winning can take on several forms:
- If Team 1 runs off sobbing, Team 2 wins
- If Team 1 gets really annoyed and stops playing, Team 2 wins
- If Team 1 shows strong evidence that the assumption is wrong Team 2 can still win if they mutually agree on a delivery method similar to 'LOLOLOL whatevR U SUK LOSERRR!!'
Er... Can Team 1 ever win?
Very rarely, some peole from Team 2 will jump ship and run over in defence of Team 1. If Team 1 becomes bigger than Team 2, then they win. Special bonus points are added if Team 1 ends up making Team 2 cry. The original Team 1 player gets immediate ringleader rights for the next game if Team 2 leaves the playing field, never to return.
Who is the best at playing this game?
Usually insecure people on both teams. People who feel best working in groups and, if singled out, will feel anxious, alone and afraid of rejection. That's the irony of this game; everyone feels exactly the same way, but the pack mentality will have you believe otherwise.
Simple enough, Maven. Thanks for the tips. How do you know so much about this game?
Well, I've been on Team 2 a couple of times, but I find I've learned best being the lone Team 1 member. In fact, I just recently ended up on Team 1 again. The funny thing is that I sorta kinda knew it was going to happen. Before getting off the bench to play, I was told several times that team 2 was formed and ready, with some very interesting accusations. Sure, they were years old and completely unfounded, but that's the best kind! You're almost guaranteed a win when everyone's memory is foggy.
So, I learned my lesson. I won't step on that playing field again. I was warned, I didn't listen and now I feel stupid. The old me would feel like I feel now: anxious, alone, and afraid of rejection, and a little hurt, but she would jump into the fray to protect her honour.
But the new me - the one who's a little bit older, a little bit wiser and not pleased about her handful of times on Team 1 or Team 2 - decided to do something differently:
- She talked to her husband about it
- She hugged her kids and remembered how lucky she is to have what she has in life
- She went out for some shopping therapy with the Spawling, who was gracious enough to sleep through the entire experience
- She visited a good friend who made her cookies and coffee and gave her more hugs
- She came home, had dinner, watched a movie with all four of her boys
- She decided to do something positive with her time and finally signed up for her university courses
- She wrote about the experience in her blog so she can remember that she was hurt. That way she can come back and remind herself not to ever play that game again, no matter what side she might be on
Nope. No more girl games for me. Although if you're good at assumptions and like to play, you could assume that I'm making assumptions about your behaviour. Then you can get other people to assume the same thing and you have yourself a rockin' new team!
You just need someone to sponsor your uniforms.
Or you could do a bottle drive or a car wash.
I'm just trying to help you out with ideas. Were you assuming something else?
Maybe I am talking about you.
You know... There might be some other entries from way back where I make reference to you, or bad things I think about you, or terrible things I've done to you. Maybe you should look for them.
I'll put on the coffee for you because I like to help a sister out.
I'm sitting here drinking burnt decaf coffee (circa two hours ago, reheated in microwave because I am too lazy to make a new pot) and reflecting on the day I've had. Thankfully, being a mom to three, I get a great deal of time for reflection. One of RHCP's new CDs is playing in the background and I'm trying to make sense of exactly what the hell just happened today and what it means.
Today started off as totally craptastic. I woke up anxiety-ridden. Why? Because I knew today was the girl games championship and I was being pushed off the bench and into the playing field.
Girl games suck. I've spent hours defending womankind to a good friend of mine. 'Girls are mean. I'm scared off of most of them,' she tells me on a fairly regular basis. 'But we're not all like that, you know. You're not. I'm not. Well, not anymore. I sort of used to be, I guess. But I've always sucked at playing the games so nobody picks me for their team anyway'.
But Maven, how do I play?
The first rule in girl games makes them very easy to play: assume the worst. If I don't hold the door for you, asssume that I saw you and couldn't be bothered. If I don't smile as we cross paths, assume that I'm unfriendly. If I don't call you for a month, assume that I'm angry or uncaring.
But coming up with negative things about other people isn't always easy. What can I do?
Don't sweat it, my estrogen-filled friend. That's why this is a team sport! Very few people can come up with something bad about every person. If you don't find something your teamates surely will. Then all you have to do is agree with them. You'll get your chance at bringing something negative to the table, too.
What equipment do I need to play?
No equipment is necessary, but a computer is highly recommended. Since most communication is through tone and body language, online conversations are more easily misinterpreted. You could try this in person, but it's much easier to sleep at night when you don't have a personal relationship with the opponent.
How are the teams divided?
To start, there is usually one person on one team (team 1) and everyone else on the other (team 2). It's best if team 1 doesn't know they're on a team at first so Team 2 can work on its assumptions and methods of delivery. People may switch teams as many times as they want.
What are the methods of delivery?
This is best left up to the individuals on Team 2. Everyone can choose their own methods of delivery to Team 1, such as cryptic comments, eye rolling or just overall avoidance. If Team 1 asks what's going on, it's best not to have any manner of civilized conversation about the assumption(s). Instead, have a full-out brawl that accomplishes nothing but hurt feelings.
How do I win?
Winning can take on several forms:
- If Team 1 runs off sobbing, Team 2 wins
- If Team 1 gets really annoyed and stops playing, Team 2 wins
- If Team 1 shows strong evidence that the assumption is wrong Team 2 can still win if they mutually agree on a delivery method similar to 'LOLOLOL whatevR U SUK LOSERRR!!'
Er... Can Team 1 ever win?
Very rarely, some peole from Team 2 will jump ship and run over in defence of Team 1. If Team 1 becomes bigger than Team 2, then they win. Special bonus points are added if Team 1 ends up making Team 2 cry. The original Team 1 player gets immediate ringleader rights for the next game if Team 2 leaves the playing field, never to return.
Who is the best at playing this game?
Usually insecure people on both teams. People who feel best working in groups and, if singled out, will feel anxious, alone and afraid of rejection. That's the irony of this game; everyone feels exactly the same way, but the pack mentality will have you believe otherwise.
Simple enough, Maven. Thanks for the tips. How do you know so much about this game?
Well, I've been on Team 2 a couple of times, but I find I've learned best being the lone Team 1 member. In fact, I just recently ended up on Team 1 again. The funny thing is that I sorta kinda knew it was going to happen. Before getting off the bench to play, I was told several times that team 2 was formed and ready, with some very interesting accusations. Sure, they were years old and completely unfounded, but that's the best kind! You're almost guaranteed a win when everyone's memory is foggy.
So, I learned my lesson. I won't step on that playing field again. I was warned, I didn't listen and now I feel stupid. The old me would feel like I feel now: anxious, alone, and afraid of rejection, and a little hurt, but she would jump into the fray to protect her honour.
But the new me - the one who's a little bit older, a little bit wiser and not pleased about her handful of times on Team 1 or Team 2 - decided to do something differently:
- She talked to her husband about it
- She hugged her kids and remembered how lucky she is to have what she has in life
- She went out for some shopping therapy with the Spawling, who was gracious enough to sleep through the entire experience
- She visited a good friend who made her cookies and coffee and gave her more hugs
- She came home, had dinner, watched a movie with all four of her boys
- She decided to do something positive with her time and finally signed up for her university courses
- She wrote about the experience in her blog so she can remember that she was hurt. That way she can come back and remind herself not to ever play that game again, no matter what side she might be on
Nope. No more girl games for me. Although if you're good at assumptions and like to play, you could assume that I'm making assumptions about your behaviour. Then you can get other people to assume the same thing and you have yourself a rockin' new team!
You just need someone to sponsor your uniforms.
Or you could do a bottle drive or a car wash.
I'm just trying to help you out with ideas. Were you assuming something else?
Maybe I am talking about you.
You know... There might be some other entries from way back where I make reference to you, or bad things I think about you, or terrible things I've done to you. Maybe you should look for them.
I'll put on the coffee for you because I like to help a sister out.