I think, after the last two darker posts, I owe you something funny. So let's talk about penises, because that's always a good time. Right, mom?
Spawnling is now potty trained thanks to my handy dandy scientific formula. It's really simple. Allow me to explain:
In order for diapers to go bye-bye, a child's maturity has to outpace their stubbornness.
And let's face it: this kid is pretty damn stubborn.
See, the minute Spawnling's desire for independence outgrew his desire to say 'no' to me and anything new I might suggest, he ended up going all big boy on me and finally accepted the concept of not voiding wherever it suits. He is now wearing underwear day and night with very few accidents. This means that, after thirteen years...
... drum roll, please! ...
We are quite officially done with diapers forever. FOREVER!!
Well, at least until we get into our 80's. So at least for next 50 years-ish.
Anyway, as a result, the little demon has been taking an interest in his third horn, if you know what I mean. Not being hidden behind a diaper most of the time, it's become a source of some interesting conversations - always while he's on the potty. Like this one from yesterday:
'Mom, how big is your penis?'
'I don't have a penis, honey. I have a vagina.'
Spawnling gives me the most puzzled look.
'Well, okay then. How big is your va... vagi... um, that thing you said... well, actually I have no idea what that is.' Spawnling shrugs, pulls his pants up and leaves the room - a good thing, considering I had no idea how to answer that. I mean, where do you even start?
Then, last week, my favourite conversation about penises ever took place (What? In thirteen years of parenting boys I'm not allowed to have a favourite genitalia discussion?)
Spawnling asked the question pondered by many a man throughout time: 'Mom, why is my penis so small?'
'Well,' I explain, 'it's small because you're small, honey. It'll grow as you grow.' There. I answered his question with just enough information to appease him. Or so I thought.
Just then, Intrepid walked into the kitchen.
'Intrepid, is your penis bigger because you're bigger than me?'
Intrepid, hardly missing a beat despite the awkward question, replies 'Um... Yes, and yours will get bigger as you get older, too.'
Spawnling things for a moment and draws a reasonable conclusion in his mind. 'Wow! Daddy's penis must be HUGE!'
(Yes, Daddy was very pleased to hear this story.)
Ah, the penis. Frankly, they're talked about so much in this household that I'm surprised I haven't sprouted an honourary one myself.