 |
| Photo credit: "Soap Box" by MonsieurLui Flickr.com |
Internet, can we talk?
Things got a lil' cray after Caitlyn Jenner
revealed some stunning photographs of her fine self in Vanity Fair. Everyone
had an opinion, and yours truly read a whole bunch of them in the comment
sections of, well, everything everywhere.
There was talk of bravery and fakery and
passion and privilege. People had a lot to say about this woman's big reveal - including,
in some cases, about how they don't think she's a woman at all.
Thankfully, most of what I saw was
surprisingly positive. If Caitlyn had been on the cover of a fashion magazine
two or three years ago, I think we would have seen a lot more nasty.
But negativity did rear its ugly head. We
knew that would happen, right? It even
found my own family. One person insisted
on telling me my daughter is a confused boy who is running the household, and
another said I was a child abuser for allowing her to transition at such a
young age.
So, you know, just another typical week.
That's what happens. The minute you put it
yourself out there, even if it's for a good cause (like education or a fight
for human rights), you open your life up for dissection by people who think
they know you or your family better than you do.
So while I write articles for a living, I
am regularly encouraged by friends and family not to read the comments below
anyone's article or news item, EVER.
But sometimes I do anyway. And while I'm not the most sensible person I know, I feel I have
good reason to.
It's always been interesting to me that
people who have no experience with something are so quick to pass judgment. I
see it when African Americans protest, when obese people speak out against
stereotypes, or whenever there's an article about homelessness.
People get a little snapshot of someone's
life and BOOM! they've got them all figured out. They're suddenly experts on the big issues that person deals with, and are quick to point
out what they would do differently if it were them.
It's not that everyone is an asshole. It's
just human nature. We operate from our own experiences. We think we know
better, perched atop our privilege.
And yes, it is privilege, a word that makes
privileged people cringe. We don't like to think about ourselves that way. To us, privilege means someone doing better than we are. We
think of the Paris Hiltons of the world. But she's an extreme example. Most people
have some kind of privilege, even if we'll deny it to the bitter end.
In our privilege, where these
problems aren't a reality, where we haven't walked in someone else's well-worn
shoes, it all seems so simple:
African Americans should just change their
circumstances ("I did. I went to college and look at how well I'm doing!
Everyone can do it!").
Obese people should just lose weight ("It's
not hard for me to eat well, so it shouldn't be hard for you.")
Homeless people should just get jobs
("If they worked as hard as I do, they wouldn't be homeless.")
But if we haven't lived in the inner city,
have never struggled with a great deal of weight, and have never had to sleep
in a shelter or stairwell, what life experience do we have to construct a soapbox from? None. We'd be constructing it from privilege, and that's a rickety
soapbox, at best.
And if you've never been transgender or
loved a transgender person with all your heart, how can you possibly begin to
make judgments about someone who lives that every day? You can't.
I mean, you can, but you'll look pretty dumb doing it.
That's like me trying to tell a doctor how
to operate better because sometimes I read WebMD. No matter how much I think I
know, the truth is I've never operated on anyone (you're welcome, by the way.)
"But Amanda, calm down. Like just
seriously relax. Everyone's entitled to their opinion! It's not a big deal."
You're right. Everyone is entitled to have
their own views. And if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me,
I would have so many dollars that I might focus on how rich I am rather than
how annoyed I get when people think opinions are no big deal.
I may not agree with everyone's opinions,
but I wholeheartedly support their right to have them. However, I draw the line
when:
1. those opinions are spoken for the sole
reason of hurting others (the infamous troll posts of the internet, for example) and/or,
2. those opinions are actually
discrimination in disguise
An opinion would be "I like
strawberries and you like raspberries. I think liking raspberries is wrong. That
being said, I may not understand why you eat them, but I will support your
right to do so."
Discrimination is, "I like
strawberries and you like raspberries. I think liking raspberries is wrong. I
don't understand why you eat them, and I don't think you should have the right
to do so because it's different than what I do."
I see a lot of strawberry eaters online
masquerading as people with "a simple difference of opinion."
That's why I read the comments (when I feel
mentally strong enough to do so) and do my best to educate all the strawberry
eaters on why eating raspberries is perfectly ok, too. Maybe they just don't
know. Maybe they've only ever known people who eat
strawberries, and the idea of a life outside of that is really foreign to them.
Look, I'm no dummy. I know I won't change
that commenter's view. They feel so strongly about their love of strawberries
and only strawberries that they just had
to say something for the whole world to see. Often it's something hateful, to
boot. That's pretty hardcore.
But for every commenter, there are about
nine lurkers who have similar views. They just didn't feel strongly enough
about it to say something.
Those are the people I might be able to
reach. Those are the ones who, with a little education, might become allies one day because of something
I or someone else said. They may vote differently, which could change things on a large scale. They might speak up when they see or hear discrimination, which would change things on a smaller but equally important scale.
And seeing me
and others speak out against discrimination might be just what someone who is
feeling hopeless and misunderstood needs to see that day. It could help someone face the day. It could save a life.
The internet isn't going to change overnight. People
will continue to think they have all the answers to things they know little
about, and I expect the love and support I show for my child will be seen as
weirdly abusive by some for a long time to come.
But if we don't speak out, if we all just
silently shrug and think, "Oh well. Everyone has an opinion. It's no big
deal," we'll never reach those other nine people or the silently hurting one who needs a kind voice.
I don't know about you, but I want to be that light in the darkness.