Parenting is Like Driving in a Van Full of Stoners
Parenting has been such a weird journey.
For some people, it's like stepping into a sedan, hitting the highway, setting the cruise control and only having to swerve now and then to avoid the odd pot hole or road kill. They happily play top 40 music and travel-sized Battleship. That's the typical scenario.
But it's not our scenario.
In ours, we didn't qualify for the loan on that sedan. We had to go on Craigslist and ride share. A van full of bearded stoners pulled up and they were all, "Hop in, bros! Let's bunk. I'm Bartholomew, the acupuncturist/circus performer. This is Pan. He does poi and throat singing." The van is temperamental, it puffs out black smoke, and it's even broken down a few times on the side of the road.
I can say with certainty this wasn't what I expected, bros.
Like most parents, Geekster and I used to hold our fresh little babies and wistfully dream of who they would grow into. We expected bumps and surprises, of course. No plan is perfect. But the bumps and surprises I was expecting were more in the realm of "my son came home drunk at 15 and barfed on the shag carpet" or "What do you mean, you were suspended from school for drawing a large scale penis on the teacher's car?" You know. That stuff.
But we've hit a few, uh, "unexpected speed bumps" so far. Two kids with hearing loss, one with mental illness, a child who's had pneumonia eight times, a rare autoimmune disease.
And now, as you probably know, we recently found out we have a child who is transgender.
Well, will you look at that? Someone better put Peter, Paul and Mary on the 8-track and turn on the lava lamps, because shit just got a lot more interesting.
I don't mean that in a bad way, bros. I'm good with it. Truly. I mean, I'm not terribly familiar with Peter, Paul and Mary, but Bart has them on repeat now and I'm learning a great deal about harmonization. That's how exposure works.
And speaking of exposure, Today is the International Transgender Day of Visibility. If I knew about this day last year, I would have probably mentioned it as an ally, but wouldn't have written an entire post about it. And now, here we are, in 2014, with a trans*girl I love unconditionally, and for whom I will do everything I possibly can to make her life journey an easier one.
I will educate and advocate for her.
I will challenge discrimination for her.
I will write blog posts with weird road trip metaphors for her.
This will not be an easy journey, but we're kind of used to that by now (We've had practice.) However, I can say with certainty that, as challenging as this road will be, I am both proud and grateful to be the mom of a transgender child. Her strength astounds me, and her authenticity inspires me. I've become more confident, more assertive, more determined. To say she has fundamentally changed me would not be an overstatement.
The road is bumpy, the van a little iffy. Those giant painted flower aren't helping my carsickness very much, either. But we are seeing parts of the road we would have never seen if we didn't have to make so many stops while Pan tops up the oil. This trip is a little different than the one I expected, but it's a good one.
Such a good one.