Parenting has been such a weird journey.
For some people, it's like stepping into a sedan, hitting
the highway, setting the cruise control and only having to swerve now and then
to avoid the odd pot hole or road kill. They happily play top 40 music and travel-sized
Battleship. That's the typical
scenario.
But it's not our scenario.
In ours, we didn't qualify for the loan on that sedan. We
had to go on Craigslist and ride share. A van full of bearded stoners pulled up
and they were all, "Hop in, bros! Let's bunk. I'm Bartholomew, the
acupuncturist/circus performer. This is Pan. He does poi and throat
singing." The van is temperamental, it puffs out black smoke, and it's
even broken down a few times on the side of the road.
I can say with certainty this wasn't what I expected, bros.
Like most parents, Geekster and I used to hold our fresh
little babies and wistfully dream of who they would grow into. We expected
bumps and surprises, of course. No plan is perfect. But the bumps and surprises
I was expecting were more in the realm of "my son came home drunk at 15
and barfed on the shag carpet" or "What do you mean, you were
suspended from school for drawing a large scale penis on the teacher's
car?" You know. That stuff.
But we've hit a few, uh, "unexpected speed bumps"
so far. Two kids with hearing loss, one with mental illness, a child who's had
pneumonia eight times, a rare autoimmune disease.
And now, as you probably know, we recently found out we have a child who is transgender.
Well, will you look at that? Someone better put Peter, Paul
and Mary on the 8-track and turn on the lava lamps, because shit just got a lot
more interesting.
I don't mean that in a bad way, bros. I'm good with it.
Truly. I mean, I'm not terribly familiar with Peter, Paul and Mary, but Bart
has them on repeat now and I'm learning a great deal about harmonization. That's
how exposure works.
And speaking of exposure, Today is the International Transgender Day of Visibility. If I knew about this
day last year, I would have probably mentioned it as an ally, but wouldn't have
written an entire post about it. And now, here we are, in 2014, with a trans*girl
I love unconditionally, and for whom I will do everything I possibly can to
make her life journey an easier one.
I will educate and advocate for her.
I will challenge discrimination for her.
I will write blog posts with weird road trip metaphors for
her.
This will not be an easy journey, but we're kind of used to
that by now (We've had practice.) However, I can say with certainty that, as
challenging as this road will be, I am both proud and grateful to be the mom of
a transgender child. Her strength astounds me, and her authenticity inspires
me. I've become more confident, more assertive, more determined. To say she has
fundamentally changed me would not be an overstatement.
The road is bumpy, the van a little iffy. Those giant
painted flower aren't helping my carsickness very much, either. But we are
seeing parts of the road we would have never seen if we didn't have to make so
many stops while Pan tops up the oil. This trip is a little different than the
one I expected, but it's a good one.
Such a good one.