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| @Jobthingy and I ringing in the new year. |
Happy 2014, bitches!
(Spawnling just came in the room and asked why I just swore on my blog and
called everyone the "B-word." Who taught him to read?! I knew putting
him in school was a bad idea. And we wonder why this is the kid who told my
friend just yesterday that her loud parrots were really pissing him off. Sigh.)
We rang in the New
Year at a party hosted by Jobthingy that was 80% gay men, so you know it was a
fabulous time. I felt entirely underdressed, but received many compliments on my
glitter eye shadow.
One of the things I
want to do this year is blog more. 2013 was abysmal for that. It was a year of
busy, chaos-y goodness. I'm hoping for a little less upheaval this time around
the sun. Of course, you never know when life is going to give you lemons, hold
you down and squeeze them into your eyes, but I'm not going to let that stop me
from setting some goals.
So, without further
ado, here is a list of my 7 big priorities for 2014 (there are seven because
that's half of 14 and math is good. Or more likely because I could only come up
with 7, but the first one sounds better). I wrote them in a letter to myself to
try and make it more personal - because, you know, writing something personal on
my personal blog isn't personal enough.
Dear Self,
This year, I would like you to focus on:
BEING AUTHENTIC.
Come on. Let's stop with the games, baby. You're amazing. We
both know it. Please stop trying to figure out what everyone else expects of
you and just be you, exactly as you are, with your loud laugh and great hair
and that weird wince-y little eye thing that happens when you smile. It's cute
and possibly a sign of some far-back inbreeding, but that's okay. Just go
around being you, being perfectly imperfect, smiling and living big. A life
where you don't feel comfortable in your own skin is a life wasted.
WRITING AUTHENTICALLY.
Same thing as above, doll. Know why you're not writing? Know
why you keep staring at a blinking cursor on a blank page? Because you're
terrified of writing the wrong thing. You're scared people
will realize you're actually a shitty writer and stop reading. You're
intimidated by big bloggers with abundant page hits and conference gigs and
think you can't possibly measure up. Stop that toxic mind train immediately
before it derails in the neuron forest and poisons all the little bunnies and
unicorns. You do not need to measure up to anyone. You do not need to compare
yourself to other people. Besides, you are likely the only person you know who
equates their brain to a forest full of bunnies and unicorns. That makes you
special. It makes you unique. And really fucking weird. It's a good thing
you're in therapy right now.
OH, RIGHT. STOP
SELF-DEPRECATING SO MUCH.
I know. You're a comedic writer. It's your job to pull the
funny out of the bad stuff. But when people like Julie go all Intervention in the car and tell you
that you self-deprecate too much, you should probably listen. Julie is like a
ninja master of smartness, and I don't think she yells at people very often.
(She put on her mom voice and everything. It was scary.) It's ok to poke fun at
yourself and to try to see the lighter side of your issues. But this year
you're going to need to build yourself up twice as much as you tear yourself
down. Seriously. And if you don't, I'm going to tell Julie.
EMBRACING YOUR INNER
ARTIST.
You are not a rocket scientist, computer programmer or
chemical engineer. Your little bunnies and unicorns run screaming through
Neuron Forest at the mere idea of trigonometry. You need to watch documentaries
on black holes with big pictures and simple narration from Morgan Freeman to
even begin to understand the concept. And even then you have to keep pausing
them and asking your husband for clarification - sometimes in the form of
diagrams drawn on napkins. That's ok. Your mom ate McDonald's a lot when she
was pregnant with you and it just made your genius happen a little.... differently. (By this logic all my children will be artists because I ATE ALL THE FRIES.) You're an artist, and we
are just as needed as any rocket scientist. We help people see the human
experience in a new light. We help scientists laugh and think and cry and heal
so they can go on curing cancer and shit. You are a biophysicist of the written
word. You're an anesthesiologist a brain surgeon of public
speaking. You have a welcoming soul - a storyteller's soul - that makes
strangers want to tell you their deepest secrets. Those are beautiful skills. Embrace
them, don't hate on them.
ENRICHING SOMEONE'S
LIFE EVERY DAY.
Because it can't always be about you, Mave. Ok, I know. Deep
breath. It's a weird concept to wrap your head around, but you know as well as
I do that it makes you feel awesome to make other people feel awesome. Then they, in turn, make someone else feel
awesome and you have a fucking axis of awesomeness, created
by you. Now if that isn't a narcissist's wet dream, I don't know what
is. So hold the door and say good
morning to the frazzled-looking mom at the coffee shop, or give that clerk at
the grocery store a nice compliment. Not enough that she thinks you're hitting
on her because that's creepytown and you might be asked not to shop there
anymore. Just make people smile. People need to smile more. You're good at
that. It's one of your superpowers (the other is taking great selfies.)
 |
| This guy has loved me for two whole decades. And doesn't drink every day. I think he might be Superman. |
FOCUSING ON THE
PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU.
I know. Lots of people, right? You can't help being so
worthy. But there are those who always go the extra mile for you, and those are
the ones you need to give your attention to.
But you have this nasty habit of giving a lot of your time and energy to
people who don't deserve it. You have exhausted yourself for too long trying to
garner the love of people who can't, for whatever reason, love you back with
the same intensity. That stops today, you silly bitch. It's time to focus on
the right people, and then put on some sunglasses for when they reflect that
good shit back into your face. You might want to wear some sunscreen. It's
going to be intense. And that love is going to fuel your soul, and in turn fuel
your artistry. (But no pressure or anything, guys.)
NOT FEELING LIKE A
FRAUD IN YOUR OWN LIFE.
That whole "I'm not supposed to be here" feeling?
This isn't Clerks, girl, and you
can't be a fraud in your own story. That's impossible. No, in your own
story, you are the heroine. You have overcome obstacles, climbed mountains and
performed other cliché metaphors to get to where you are today. I'm sure I can
come up with more. I'm a writer. Hang on. Oh! You're a phoenix, rising out of
the ashes and doing whatever phoenixes do after that. Screeching and flying and
things. And sure, maybe you don't know a lot about phoenixes other than they
get tattooed on people in prison a fair bit, but I bet they're pretty amazing
like 2014 is going be.
It really is going to be amazing. Watch this space, bitches. I'm back.