"So, let me get this straight," my husband said to me in the kitchen a couple of days ago. "You're trying to tell me that there's a large man who dresses like an M&M and walks his dog around the neighbourhood every day?"

"Well, no. I mean, yes. Sort of. He doesn't dress in a costume or anything," I corrected.

"Then how is he dressed like an M&M?" asked Intrepid the teenaged son.

"He has a yellow Peanut M&M racing jacket with an M&Ms ball cap and matching pajama bottoms," I explained. "He's extremely well-themed. I'm a little jealous."

"And he has a small dog?" Geekster asked, shooting Intrepid an amused look.

I was not so amused. "Yes. Like a Shih Tzu or whatever. I don't know. Who can pay attention to a dog breed when chocolate is walking by the house?"

"So a large man dressed in M&M gear walks a very small dog by this window every day." There might have been some deep-voiced giggling.

"Yes," I stated.

"Funny, I haven't seen him," Intrepid said.

"Me neither," added Geekster.

I sighed. "He comes by shortly after you guys leave for work and school."

"Of course he does. So convenient," Geekster said, looking at his son.

"Very," the teenager agreed, and they nodded in unison.

"You know, I put this up as a Facebook status earlier and nobody questioned me. The Facebook people are so much nicer than the real life people."

"No, the Facebook people have simply adjusted to how crazy you are," my husband offered, kindly.

"He's real! I'm telling you!"

"It's interesting how he's dressed in your favourite chocolate brand, mom. You know, of all themed outfits he could be wearing."

 "Has anyone else seen him? Maybe Mike and Keri down the road?" my soon-to-be-ex-husband inquired.

"I asked, but no. That's just because they're not looking, though. I have totally seen him walk by their house before!"

"Sounds fishy to me," Intrepid said.

"Chocolately, even," replied his father.

"I hate you guys," I muttered, unimpressed.

Yesterday, as I was scraping off the car, Peanut M&M Man walked by again.

Sort of.

I texted my husband before leaving.

Me: K he totally walked right by the house just now and he's switched up his game for winter. Miami Dolphins jacket and required matching pajama pants. And he has a miniature collie, not a Shih Tzu.

Geekster: Not. Real.

Me: He's totally legit!

Geekster: LOL

Geekster and Intrepid made sure to remind me that I've been under a lot of stress lately, what with the whole back-to-school workload and such, and that maybe I'm fabricating giant theme-wearing men with tiny dogs to grapple with it.

And then I reminded them that PMS week is fast approaching and I tend to feel a little stabby around then, so they might want to tone it the fuck down.

Geekster and Intrepid insist on photo evidence, but they don't understand the complexity of this request. You don't just simply walk up to Bigfoot and take his picture. They always end up blurry and everybody thinks it's just your drunk cousin wearing a costume and you become the laughing stock of the cryptozoology world. Those are problems I just don't need.

This morning, my skeptical spouse said, "You should just go up and talk to him. Ask him to walk by the house at a time when everyone is home. It's easy!"

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because the man is a delicate ecosystem of greatness, and I don't want to disrupt that ecosystem. Did you learn nothing from biology class? Be home around 9:30 sometime and see for yourself. "

"I have this thing called work."

I looked at him with great sadness. "Then you'll never know what I know."

"You are the strangest person I have ever met." He kissed me on the forehead.

"And that's why I fit so nicely into this neighbourhood," I replied, proudly.

I maintain that there is a large man in beautifully themed clothing that walks his small dog by my house each morning. He's magnificent like a unicorn, and perhaps only shows himself to those who are worthy.

Or those who make coffee by the front window every morning. One of those.