Today I will not avoid every mirror in the house, nor will I stand in front of them critiquing this part or that one, sucking in my gut or pushing at it with my hands and telling myself if I could just lose this much here, I'd look so much better.
Today I will not change outfits 10 times like a backup dancer at a Madonna concert, getting closer to tears each time because nothing seems to magically hide what I wish it would hide: the fact that I'm a bigger girl.
Today I will not stuff my face unceremoniously with foods void of nutrition, nor will I chastise myself for every single carb. I will eat for health and for taste, not for stress.
Today, because I woke up feeling lower than usual, I will take extra good care of myself. I will treat me like I would a good friend who's having a bad day.
Today I will avoid things that trigger the self-hate on my less confident days: fashion magazines that represent no one above a size 4 or below 5'10", diet company commercials with deep pockets and empty promises, women who are a healthy weight talking about how fat they are, weight loss "specialists" who've never been heavy telling people who are that they're just not trying hard enough.
Today I will exercise not out of disgust, but out of admiration for what my body is capable of doing when I work at it and the feeling of accomplishment that follows. I'm not disgusting; I'm disgustingly awesome.
Today I will not throw lamps at my metabolism. Or chips. (Maybe chocolate.)
Today I will walk tall and smile widely. My eyes, my handshake, my stance will all command respect from others. Because who's going to respect me if I don't respect myself? You won't judge me by my weight because my presence - my essence - is so much bigger than my hips will ever be.
Today I will say two good things about me for every bad thought. Like, if I start thinking about my double chin, I'm also going to think about how I can make a room full of people laugh at my jokes and how I have excellent taste in shoes.
No, seriously. My shoes are really sexy, you guys.
Today I will laugh a lot, get out into the world, and remember that life is about more than pounds, more than scales, more than dress sizes.
Today I will remember that my body has carried me through so much, including two motor vehicle accidents, three babies and three stomach surgeries. This body is a veteran of both life and motherhood. It is a scarred hero, always growing more beautiful on the inside thanks to all it has experienced on the outside.
So today I will not hate my body. I will love it, thank it, and cherish it as it is.
(The jury's still out on the chocolate, though.)
