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| Meet Nibbler. She likes your purdy mouth. |
Our family got its first hamster in June. It was completely my fault. I felt sad for Spawnling who was heartbroken over his last day of preschool. So I did what any good parent does and threw money at the problem, stopping in at the pet store for a spontaneous rodent purchase.
I bowed to five-year-old peer pressure. I'll never live it down.
"Maybe she's a masochist. Check for little copies of 50 Shades of Grey in her tiki hut," I suggested.
For the record, I hate hamsters. Okay, that might be a little strong. I mean, I don't hate them like "I would smush one of those little bastards with my combat boot", but I have a general unease around them after having been bitten by my friends' hamsters as a child. It is not right that something resembling a miniature teddy bear can take a chunk out of your finger like that. Totally traumatizing.
I haven't liked them since. But I do like my kids, so I had the pet store lady poke and handle the hamsters until she found one that wasn't skittish or nippy. Putting other people's hands in peril was the least I could do for my children. We brought our new friend home as a surprise.
Incidentally, don't surprise people with rodents, especially your spouse. And especially after you've already had the discussion that three kids, two dogs, a cat and two african dwarf frogs is a big enough family. If you bring one home after that, there might be some explaining to do, and you might have to say sorry a few times, and use the children as emotional shields ("But look how happy they are! And they've already named her. We can't take back a pet they've already named. A hamster is way cheaper than therapy and methadone clinics down the road. What? I'm just trying to look at it logically.")
The kids were thrilled with this little ball of fluff, They came up with all kinds of names for her, but eventually settled on Nibbler, a nod to Leela's pet on Futurama. My idea to call the stupid thing Snaggletooth Sophie, Princess of Death, was overruled with a lot of eye rolling. Killjoys.
I hate to admit this, but Nibbler has burrowed her way into my heart over the last few months. She's kinda unexpectedly grown on me. And she once unexpectedly pooped on me as well, but I've forgiven her for it.
Nibbler is the coolest hamster of all time. That probably doesn't sound like much, given my general dislike for her species, but it's a big compliment. She's incredibly social. She'll walk right up to the side of the cage to say hello just like the hookers used to do with cars in front of our first apartment. I thought about getting her little fishnet stockings to complete the look, but I'm worried she won't like them without a matching pleather skirt - and hey, I'm not made of money.
Anyway, she's fun and cute and loves to hang out whenever she's awake. The only time she'll nip is if she's fast asleep and someone wakes her up. That's normally when I would take a chunk out of someone's hand too, so it's all good. We understand each other.
There's just one thing I've noticed about Snaggletooth Sophie Nibbler: When she runs on her hamster wheel, she tilts her head to the side and continuously whacks it on the spokes. It's very amusing. Geekster and I will sometimes watch this phenomenon instead of primetime t.v.
"Did she have a stroke?" Geekster wondered aloud one day.
"Maybe she's a masochist. Check for little copies of 50 Shades of Grey in her tiki hut," I suggested.
"Maybe she's inbred," he joked, and we both had a good laugh.
Until we checked Wikipedia.
A couple of nights ago, we had a discussion about where hamsters originated from. I consulted Professor Internet and found this very informative page. It turns out a lot today's domestic hamsters came from Syria, where they are, indeed, wild. And then I read this:
"Although the Syrian hamster or golden hamster (Mesocricetus auratus) was first described scientifically in 1839, researchers were not able to successfully breed and domesticate hamsters until 1939.[3] The entire laboratory and pet populations of Syrian hamsters appear to be descendants of a single brother-sister pairing"
So, basically, it took 100 years and probably a lot of miniature bottles of alcohol to get some hamster siblings to hook up and make creepy little inbred babies. Wonderful.
This explains so, so much about Nibbler. If she seems a little, uh, special, it's because she is. If she can't run straight and hits her head, it's only because she inherited the genetics from her sister-cousin. And if she stares blankly at her food bowl for a few seconds before realizing what it is, that's likely a genetic gift from her uncle/pappy.
I'm now on the lookout for a little banjo and rocking chair. If you see any on eBay, let me know.