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| Lucky for Spawnling, he is gorgeous. Totally a survival tactic. (Photo by Gutsy. Seriously. The kid has a great eye.) |
Texts exchanged this morning with my friend, Liliane:
Me: Is it okay to send Spawnling to space camp... in space? He's driving me insane and I think he should be the cosmonauts' problem because they're trained to deal with high-stress situations and I'm not.
Liliane: I don't believe you. He was so good when you guys were over this weekend.
Me: That's his superpower! All supervillains have one. His is to be charming and make people think I'm insane while he plots to take over the city. I just saw this ploy used in the new Spiderman movie. Don't let him fool you!
Liliane: I'm skeptical, Maven. What's wrong with him? Does he need to burn off some energy?
Me: No. He just needs to tell people off and kick everything and not listen and not go to bed well AT ALL and yell oh-so-very-much and demand things. It's just... unholy. Maybe we should have had him baptized after all. Not because we're religious, but because he may be possessed.
Liliane: So, just to clarify, you're having a bad morning, then?
Me: Not such a good morning, no. I think I'm going to try and sneak him into a locker right before they film an episode of Storage Wars. Why? Because they have to bid on the contents of the ENTIRE LOCKER, even if there's a screaming kid in it. It's a rule.
Me: Also, I just saw a woman wearing earth tones while sporting a very bright red lipstick. I nearly pulled her into my car for a makeup intervention. Then I realized that would probably still fall under the whole "kidnapping"thing, even if my intentions were to save her from herself.
Liliane: I don't get bright red lipstick. We're not in the 1980's anymore.
This is why I text Lil whenever I'm having a bad day. I just word-vomit my problems and fashion observations all over her and she cleans it up without complaining. Also, by texting her in my car outside the gym, I extended my "me" time outside the house this morning and my work-at-home husband couldn't exactly give me the stink-eye upon my return because it's for my health and can you really be mad at your wife for wanting to be healthy? No. You can't.
Not even if, while I was gone, the five-year-old threw a fit over not getting a popsicle, grabbed two toys from his room and deliberately hit the stair railing until a piece chipped off, and then sobbed his way through helping to glue it back together and was still loudly crying when I got home. Not even then, because it was for my health.
And by all of this I mean: Our summer's going great. How's yours?