I get stressed, you get stressed, and if you're a parent then you're probably ready to lose your shit at least half the time. And I'm being pretty generous.

I asked some of my Facebook friends with kids what they hate hearing the most from well-meaning loved ones and strangers, alike. The response was overwhelming. I picked my favourites, but will likely need to do a follow-up post at some point to address the rest of them.

If you don't have kids - or if it's been a long time since you've had smaller beings underfoot - I feel it's my duty to warn you what not to say to a stressed out parent in the thick of things. You know, that mom holding her screaming baby on the bus, or the woman who's dragging her wailing child out of the grocery store? The one who looks like she just might snap or burst into tears at any moment? The one who's hair is standing up no end but doesn't look to have her finger in an electrical socket just now? The one who's bags under her eyes are big enough to pack for a 10 day vacation? That one.

This is a post reminding you to think before you speak. I figure you might like your head and not want to get it bitten off. I figure you might be enjoying your shopping trip and not want to get body-checked into the deli counter. I figure you might like your life and want to keep breathing. I know you might mean the very best with your unsolicited comments, I really do. And very likely, after the hormonal rage exacerbated by lack of sleep has subsided, I'm sure that woman will, too.

7 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A STRESSED-OUT MOM (and what we're thinking when you say it):

1. "Maybe you should be more strict/follow a schedule."
Wow. I'm floored. That's genius! This whole time I've been letting them do whatever they want whenever they want, figuring that would make things run more smoothly around here. Gosh, I still have a lot to learn about this parenting stuff. Thank you so much for this out-of-the-box suggestion.  Have you considered a career as a childhood psychologist?

2. "You look/sound/smell/taste like you could use a break."
Um, thanks. Here's my golden rule: Don't tell me I could use a break unless you're offering to give me one. All that's going to accomplish is remind me that I haven't had a break in a long time and that I seem to look like ass-on-a-stick as a result. The best thing you can do for an overwhelmed mom is suggest she take a break and follow that up with times when you're free to watch the kids while she gets one.  That will make you an A-lister in her books. Moms love guilt-free breaks.

3. "Don't forget to make time for yourself."
As in, you would like me to manufacture more hours in the day? That's a neat trick.

I'm actually guilty of saying this to people on occasion, because getting a break is essential at any stage of the parenting game. As the kids get older it does become easier, I promise. When I can't leave the house and I need immediate "me" time, I generally just lock myself in my room with loud music (blocks the screaming) and the internet (dancing cat videos distract my eyes from seeing the door shaking as it's being pounded upon) and cookies (no explanation required). This is actually how most of my blog posts are made.

4. "My children would never have acted like that because if they did they would have had it coming. You should just put your foot down."
Buddy, you're about to have something coming.


Let me just get out my clue bat for you. Hold still: If all you had to do was "put your foot down" there wouldn't be so many parenting books, blogs, seminars, websites, psychologists, psychiatrists, wine bottle purchases and anti-depressant prescriptions. Parenting is simply not that cut and dry.


If your kids didn't drive you crazy sometimes, they were either extremely atypical or terrified of you. Both of those things likely required therapy in adulthood. So get of your high horse - you are not a hero.

5. "Enjoy every single moment! You'll miss this in 10 years."
Things I will miss:
Smiling babies, preschool crafts, snuggles, play, laughter, Christmas morning magic.

What I won't miss:
Everything else.

What I'm missing right now:
Tranquility, sanity, cleanliness, low blood pressure, being able to finish an entire cup of coffee without having it go cold on the counter.

6. "I knew someone with a child like yours. Boy, the teen years were tough!"
Thank you so much for that infusion of hope. I'm going to go find a tall bridge now.


7. "Hi, Honey! What's for dinner? Is it ready? I'm starving."
Well, I wasn't sure until just now because I've been so busy picking up toys and breaking up fights and helping with homework. But I think we're having lasagna with a slice of homicide pie, dear. Go wash up.