It really didn't seem like a big deal to be in a sling at first. Really, it didn't. After I epically threw myself down the stairs earlier this week in an attempt to be right (my ego knows no bounds) and sprained my shoulder, I tried to look on the bright side: It's not broken. It doesn't need a cast, nor does it need surgery. A week in a sling is no big deal.
Besides, when you're The Maven and your body is a gluten-free health hive where immunity makes the most delicious honey, you don't worry about this stuff as much. I rarely get sick, and I will undoubtedly heal quickly because I. Kick. Ass. A week? More like two days and I'll be flinging my arm around, whipping up a morning latte and throwing together lunches. Flinging, I tell you! Flinging!
Three days in, I have changed my tune - just a little bit.
First of all, I'm not getting better nearly as quickly as I'd like. Secondly, most of that is probably my fault. This limited mobility thing is seriously suckish when you have three kids and a job and a blog. It's hard to type with one hand, especially when it's not your dominant one. So I generally type with two and regret it later. And as much as my incredible husband does around the house, there's still more than he can manage alone. Spawnling still needs help with those buttons when it's just he and I, and I'm still chief operating officer of Mom's Preschool-to-Puberty Limousine Service.
Go ahead, shake your finger at me (but not on your right hand or I'll get a little jealous). Roll your eyes at me. Tsk-tsk at me. Get angry and tell me I should be taking it easy. You're absolutely right. I berate myself regularly for not resting more. But that doesn't change reality. I'm not trying to play martyr here, people. I am a mother: If you don't want me to use my arm at all for an entire week, you'd better sew it into my side, because otherwise it's going to get used. There's no way around it.
But worse than the need to do things, is the eerie desire to do them. Yes, it's true: even when nobody needs a thing and I have a couch and a TV at my disposal, I have a hard time sitting still for long. I've been a stay-at-home-parent for over a decade; the need to putter about, tidy up, sort something, plan a meal, or generally just check up on everything has been assimilated into my DNA. It's the most frustrating thing to make myself sit down when I know the table has a juice spill large enough to become the ant orgy-equivalent of a Roman bath house. Can Geekster clean it? Would Gutsy happily take care of it if I asked him? Absolutely. But that's not the point. It feels lazy and wrong and downright sinful to watch a romantic comedy while the bathroom sink is smeared with toothpaste. Must. Clean. The. Toothpaste.
The problem, of course, is that if I don't take it easy, this sling ain't coming off any time soon. I'll be stuck wearing it or some other restrictive torture device for longer than a week. And then my bitchface will be permanent.
Yes, I said "bitchface," as in "the face made by a bitch," or "The Maven has a giant bitchface going on right now." Boredom coupled with chronic pain will do that to a chick, ok?
What's that? You don't think it's possible that I - the sweet and wonderful human being I am - could look bitchy. Yes, I am generally full of amazingness, but even the mighty falter at times. Observe:
I keep telling myself I'm going to get scowl lines. Being a somewhat vain individual, this may be just the thing to cure me. That or chocolate-covered almonds, which have not materialized in my world recently. I may have to treat myself tomorrow - you know, for medicinal reasons - in the name of curing the bitchface.
I vow to rest my arm now and go watch the hot dudes in Supernatural. They're not chocolate-covered almonds, but they sure are yummy.
Besides, when you're The Maven and your body is a gluten-free health hive where immunity makes the most delicious honey, you don't worry about this stuff as much. I rarely get sick, and I will undoubtedly heal quickly because I. Kick. Ass. A week? More like two days and I'll be flinging my arm around, whipping up a morning latte and throwing together lunches. Flinging, I tell you! Flinging!
Three days in, I have changed my tune - just a little bit.
First of all, I'm not getting better nearly as quickly as I'd like. Secondly, most of that is probably my fault. This limited mobility thing is seriously suckish when you have three kids and a job and a blog. It's hard to type with one hand, especially when it's not your dominant one. So I generally type with two and regret it later. And as much as my incredible husband does around the house, there's still more than he can manage alone. Spawnling still needs help with those buttons when it's just he and I, and I'm still chief operating officer of Mom's Preschool-to-Puberty Limousine Service.
Go ahead, shake your finger at me (but not on your right hand or I'll get a little jealous). Roll your eyes at me. Tsk-tsk at me. Get angry and tell me I should be taking it easy. You're absolutely right. I berate myself regularly for not resting more. But that doesn't change reality. I'm not trying to play martyr here, people. I am a mother: If you don't want me to use my arm at all for an entire week, you'd better sew it into my side, because otherwise it's going to get used. There's no way around it.
But worse than the need to do things, is the eerie desire to do them. Yes, it's true: even when nobody needs a thing and I have a couch and a TV at my disposal, I have a hard time sitting still for long. I've been a stay-at-home-parent for over a decade; the need to putter about, tidy up, sort something, plan a meal, or generally just check up on everything has been assimilated into my DNA. It's the most frustrating thing to make myself sit down when I know the table has a juice spill large enough to become the ant orgy-equivalent of a Roman bath house. Can Geekster clean it? Would Gutsy happily take care of it if I asked him? Absolutely. But that's not the point. It feels lazy and wrong and downright sinful to watch a romantic comedy while the bathroom sink is smeared with toothpaste. Must. Clean. The. Toothpaste.
The problem, of course, is that if I don't take it easy, this sling ain't coming off any time soon. I'll be stuck wearing it or some other restrictive torture device for longer than a week. And then my bitchface will be permanent.
Yes, I said "bitchface," as in "the face made by a bitch," or "The Maven has a giant bitchface going on right now." Boredom coupled with chronic pain will do that to a chick, ok?
What's that? You don't think it's possible that I - the sweet and wonderful human being I am - could look bitchy. Yes, I am generally full of amazingness, but even the mighty falter at times. Observe:
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| Day 2. Bitchface setting in. Note symptomatic eyes. Also note pretty sparkly scarf used as sling. Vanity for the win. |
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| Day 3. Full-on case of Bitchvisio Maximus. Boring grey sling with better support. Boo. |
I keep telling myself I'm going to get scowl lines. Being a somewhat vain individual, this may be just the thing to cure me. That or chocolate-covered almonds, which have not materialized in my world recently. I may have to treat myself tomorrow - you know, for medicinal reasons - in the name of curing the bitchface.
I vow to rest my arm now and go watch the hot dudes in Supernatural. They're not chocolate-covered almonds, but they sure are yummy.