I put in a call to a friend of mine today because she was having a bad day. Her son had thrown a colossal tantrum and it had set the mood for the rest of the day. I feel so badly for her.
I wish I knew what she was going through, but I don't. See, my boys never, ever throw tantrums. There is no screaming, no bodies being self-propelled to the floor, no objects being thrown across the room, no door slamming, no stomping feet, no yelling 'I hate you!' or 'Go away, meanie!' or any other inappropriate statements.
My boys have always been very calm. They like to sit quietly and read books or work on giant floor puzzles for hours at a time. When I put a movie on they sit down to watch it without making a sound. Well, sometimes they laugh or pause the film to discuss important and/or sensitive topics pertaining to the plot, but that's about it. There is never any rolling around on the couch or floor, pillow throwing, humming or popcorn launching.
When you live with my children, you see good behaviour modeled all the time. The dinner table is a perfect example: three little boys, all sitting nicely, using utensils and eating every vegetable. They ask for the ketchup bottle and never blindly reach over another's plate to get it, rubbing their sleeves in food or knocking something over. They stay at the table until everyone is finished eating and always ask to be excused. They ask me about my day: What did I do? Did I take some time to relax? Do I need help with the dishes after dinner?
The garbage is always taken out. The playroom is usually spotless. The counters cleaned up after a snack is made. Their beds tidy and pajamas laid out. They fold their own laundry, remind me that they need baths or showers, and sit down to do their homework as soon as they get in from school.
Tantrums are something other people's kids have. Those are behaviour issues directly related to poor parenting. Those people with screaming kids in the grocery store? They obviously overindulge their children/don't spend enough time with them/let them stay up too late/teach them no boundaries.
Those people with aggressive toddlers? They're exposed to too much violence/watch too much television/each too much sugar/don't get enough sleep.
Don't get me wrong, here. I'm not judging anyone. Some of it is certainly beyond anyone's control. I'm sure at least a part of is genetic. Geekster and I are both very calm, sensible people. We are always relaxed and roll with the punches. There's rarely any stress or anxiety in our lives, made possible by good planning techniques and some good, ol' fashioned responsibility. Model citizens raise model citizens, you know.
It's simple, really. If you parent my way your little boys and girls will be better behaved. They won't do all those terrible things that make you want to pull your hair out and/or jump out your bedroom window, running naked and laughing into the night. They'll be happy and well-adjusted, just like my children.
Yep. Just like mine.
(It was so nice to dream for a little while. Thank you for indulging me. It's too bad I'm an addict or I could occassionally pop a hallucinogen and take off into this little world more often. Now, I must go. Spawnling is crying because he wants the Rockband guitar that Intrepid is using, and Gutsy is whining that I won't make him nachos, like, right this second. The one redeeming quality of this moment is that no one is technically tantruming. Score one point for me. Go, Team Maven!)
I wish I knew what she was going through, but I don't. See, my boys never, ever throw tantrums. There is no screaming, no bodies being self-propelled to the floor, no objects being thrown across the room, no door slamming, no stomping feet, no yelling 'I hate you!' or 'Go away, meanie!' or any other inappropriate statements.
My boys have always been very calm. They like to sit quietly and read books or work on giant floor puzzles for hours at a time. When I put a movie on they sit down to watch it without making a sound. Well, sometimes they laugh or pause the film to discuss important and/or sensitive topics pertaining to the plot, but that's about it. There is never any rolling around on the couch or floor, pillow throwing, humming or popcorn launching.
When you live with my children, you see good behaviour modeled all the time. The dinner table is a perfect example: three little boys, all sitting nicely, using utensils and eating every vegetable. They ask for the ketchup bottle and never blindly reach over another's plate to get it, rubbing their sleeves in food or knocking something over. They stay at the table until everyone is finished eating and always ask to be excused. They ask me about my day: What did I do? Did I take some time to relax? Do I need help with the dishes after dinner?
The garbage is always taken out. The playroom is usually spotless. The counters cleaned up after a snack is made. Their beds tidy and pajamas laid out. They fold their own laundry, remind me that they need baths or showers, and sit down to do their homework as soon as they get in from school.
Tantrums are something other people's kids have. Those are behaviour issues directly related to poor parenting. Those people with screaming kids in the grocery store? They obviously overindulge their children/don't spend enough time with them/let them stay up too late/teach them no boundaries.
Those people with aggressive toddlers? They're exposed to too much violence/watch too much television/each too much sugar/don't get enough sleep.
Don't get me wrong, here. I'm not judging anyone. Some of it is certainly beyond anyone's control. I'm sure at least a part of is genetic. Geekster and I are both very calm, sensible people. We are always relaxed and roll with the punches. There's rarely any stress or anxiety in our lives, made possible by good planning techniques and some good, ol' fashioned responsibility. Model citizens raise model citizens, you know.
It's simple, really. If you parent my way your little boys and girls will be better behaved. They won't do all those terrible things that make you want to pull your hair out and/or jump out your bedroom window, running naked and laughing into the night. They'll be happy and well-adjusted, just like my children.
Yep. Just like mine.
(It was so nice to dream for a little while. Thank you for indulging me. It's too bad I'm an addict or I could occassionally pop a hallucinogen and take off into this little world more often. Now, I must go. Spawnling is crying because he wants the Rockband guitar that Intrepid is using, and Gutsy is whining that I won't make him nachos, like, right this second. The one redeeming quality of this moment is that no one is technically tantruming. Score one point for me. Go, Team Maven!)