This post is for anyone who has children of both genders, or who has a strong preference for either boys or girls and doesn't do a good job of hiding it. I hope you're paying attention. It's not every day I dedicate a post to a specific demographic.
In case you've been living under a rock, I will mention that I have three boys. Yes, three. That's right: boys. This is not abnormal in any fashion. Many people have multiple children of a single gender. I know two families with five boys, one family with four girls, many with three boys or girls, and an abundance of families with two males or two females.
I see single-gendered children in a family as often as I see a mix. And, while I haven't looked into statistical data on this subject, I am fairly popular and thus know a great deal of families. My scientific methods are quite sound, thank you.
With the aforementioned in mind, I would like to make a few points:
Ok, but harmony's the second most important thing, right?
In case you've been living under a rock, I will mention that I have three boys. Yes, three. That's right: boys. This is not abnormal in any fashion. Many people have multiple children of a single gender. I know two families with five boys, one family with four girls, many with three boys or girls, and an abundance of families with two males or two females.
I see single-gendered children in a family as often as I see a mix. And, while I haven't looked into statistical data on this subject, I am fairly popular and thus know a great deal of families. My scientific methods are quite sound, thank you.
With the aforementioned in mind, I would like to make a few points:
- You should probably pick your jaw up off the floor when I mention that I have three boys. I didn't just tell you I have a conjoined twin living in my hairline, or that science recently found a new species building cities in your processed cheese slices. It's not weird or shocking in any way to have three sons.
- You can definitely tell me how wonderful it is to have a little girl. I'm sure it is wonderful, and I'm happy for you. I will enjoy your daughter's company and admire her clothing and barrettes. I will feast my eyes on her pink snowsuit and anything baring polka dots. You may even find me hiding in your playroom brushing the mane of a My Little Pony. So soft, those manes.
- You can also tell me that the bond is different with a girl and that you share a special connection. I'm sure you do and I am, once again, very happy for you. I can imagine it's very special to share a common gender with your child. It might be wise, however, to refrain from telling a woman without daughters that you feel sorry for her. Because, by doing so, you're essentially implying that her relationship with her son(s) is lacking or inadequate. I can say with absolute certainty that, while my gremlins may be loud, boisterous and terribly busy, we are all very nicely bonded. I don't cry myself to sleep every night at the thought of not having a daughter and I don't look enviously upon those who do. If I did, there would probably be a deeper psychological issue. I can't afford to be nuttier than I already am, thanks, so I'll let you take pity on me instead.
- It's not a good idea to hug someone and say 'I'm so sorry' when they tell you they're having a second boy. That happened to me once. It goes down in history as one of the oddest moments of my life.
- Telling me that you would shoot yourself in the head if you had three boys is not very polite dinner conversation, especially if I just met you. Just sayin'.
- People with same-gender spawns sometimes wonder what their life would be like with the other sex around. It's a lot like wondering what having lots of money is like, or travelling the world, or being an astronaut, or a world-famous blogger (hah!) but nothing more than that. We're actually pretty happy with who we birthed. Strange, but true.
- Yes, you really can have a bond with a child that goes beyond whether or not they have a dangling appendage. Intrepid, Gutsy and Spawnling are all very different people with their own likes and dislikes, their own strengths and interests. Phew! It's a good thing Geekster and I didn't just stamp BOY on their foreheads when they came out of the womb and raised them all exactly the same like we were planning to! Parenting outside of gender stereotypes is an advanced technique that only a few excellent parents like myself can master. A lot like being a ninja, really.
- Not everyone feels the pull to have "one of each". If that's what you wanted and that's what you received, it's a lot like winning the lottery. Congratulations! I used to care about things like that. I really did. Then some neat-o things happened, like a brother with Down's Syndrome, my own PCOS, infertility, miscarriages and genetic hearing loss in two thirds of our spawns. Suddenly the type of body parts our children were born with became less important. Funny, that. (Well, we still hoped for two arms, two legs, a heart and some lungs, which I admit is still picky. Nobody's perfect.)
- It may surprise you that nobody found me on top of a skyscraper after Spawnling's ultrasound sobbing with regret over not being able to buy pink things. It may equally astound you that I willingly agreed to Geekter's vasectomy even though our house is devoid of Barbies.
- I've observed that people with all boys don't tend to feel sorry for those with all girls, or vice versa. Instead, we tend to high-five each other over needing fewer bedrooms and celebrate the hand-me-down train. We laugh at the stereotypes and we recount tales of insenstive remarks. It's like a secret little club - and it has me in it which makes it posh, too. A secret little posh club.
Ok, but harmony's the second most important thing, right?