Like this picture? I can't remember when I took it or why, but it's awesome. It's like I'm trying to be sultry and sexy-pouty and instead I look tired and awful. And... what's that on the right? Why... Could it be a toddler arm practically blocking my windpipe?
There goes sexy-pouty. I'm obviously looking dazed because I'm being suffocated.
I think it about sums up most of my week. See below.
Pardon my absence. I was a tad distracted this week. It's not a difficult scenario to imagine, coming from me. I get sidetracked by things like dryer lint, for crying out loud.
The good news is that I'm better now. After two great evenings out in a row I feel refreshed and ready to go. Go to where, I'm not quite sure. I do have a blogger breakfast tomorrow morning. My very first one! I get to meet a bunch of people who only know me as The Maven and then - drumroll, please - I can reveal my secret identity. I can stand up and shout "It's me! I am the mole!"
... Okay, maybe not. Maybe I'll just use my real name which will lead straight into dropped jaws as people realize that, yes, the persona I have online does exist in real life form and she's pretty much exactly as described in these posts.
How frightening.
Perhaps, when my fellow bloggers start running from the table, they'll leave behind their scrambled eggs and I won't have to buy myself any breakfast.
Jobthingy and I are going together, so this should be a blast. Everything's a party with Jobthingy around!
As I mentioned previously and am only saying again for the portion of my readership that doesn't actually read my material and instead scrolls over it to get to the funny picture of the Conjoined Fetus Lady, it's been a week of distractions. Most notably how the majority of it has been overrun by Tropical Storm Intrepid, Hurrican Gutsy and Tsunami Spawnling.
(In my world we give tsunami names, alright? It makes for better reading.)
On Tuesday we had our flu shots. The goal was that we would keep the gremlins home until 10AM, cruely stick them full of needles at the clinic, then send them to class just in time for lunch (which I painstakingly made that morning).
And now is the time when anyone who reads regularly asks themselves "so what actually happened?"
Not much, really. Just Intrepid turning white as a ghost and almost passing out about five minutes after his vaccine, which in turn caused a stir involving nurses lying him down on a mat and giving him orange juice, which in turn revealed that he didn't eat much for breakfast, which in turn caused dirty looks and lectures to be given to us by said snarky nurses about how we should have fed him, which in turn made me snarky and reply that a handful of Honeycomb cereal is better than nothing, which in turn made my case officially lost. And all of this caused Gutsy to panic about possibly fainting as well, so we kept them both home, turned on the television and let them eat their packed lunches.
Swell. There went Tuesday.
No big deal, of course. They would just go off to school for the rest of the week and I could get my cleaning and sorting done in anticipation for the in-laws to arrive on Saturday. The house was a huge mess, but that was fine because I still had three kid-free days to clean it.
Oh. Wait. I didn't. Because Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were PD days. Isn't that great?
Deep breath. Still not a problem. Now that Gutsy and Intrepid are both in school they've matured a great deal and have learned to solve conflicts without resorting to yelling, chasing or using physical means to get their point across.
Also, during my visit to Magical Fairy Land, I lost 80lbs and all my grey hair turned blonde.
Needless to say it's been a little...tense... around here the last three days. To top it off, I barely slept last night for a variety of reasons, so I was three shades of burnt out at eight this morning. Coffee Fairy came by with two java juices for me: "One for now and one for later" she explained.
I love my Coffee Fairy. Seriously. Do you get any better than that? She saved my entire day!
In between caffeine refills I spent the day in a daze; very slow and very emotional. A nasty combination and something that always happens when I'm tired. Little things become big things and big things get overlooked because I'm too focused on the little things. It was a pervasive theme all afternoon, made worse by the screeching hooved ones, chasing each other down with fangs and claws out.
Being a resourceful parent I had the perfect solution to end all conflict.
Then, once I realized I was out of tranquilizers I went to Plan B.
Plan B involves me, an iPod, and a big grin on my face as all but the loudest screams are drowned out. While ignoring fights I knew couldn't be resolved and were best left ignored, I dusted the spot in my trophy case for Best Mother in the World.
It's so mine this year.