The Spawnling turns two tomorrow. I can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around my littlest and last about to exit his babyhood and become a man.
Maybe "man" is a little strong of a word right now. I'm rushing the season, or whatever it is I would rush by calling him something he won't be for 16 years. I'm a little emotional, alright?
As I'm writing this, Gutsy has run into the office cowering from his little demon, er, brother. Apparently he has a drumstick in his hand and isn't afraid to use it.
Basically this is a very normal Saturday.
Life with Spawnling is never boring. So, to commemorate his second full year on the planet, I will list some "to remember" elements of his life thus far. At some point this year, the horned wonder:
- Has had more ear infections than a herd of African elephants and more antibiotics than Joan Rivers ever used after all her face lifts combined
- Discovered that one can flood an entire bathroom floor very, very quietly
- Started calling "coffee" "Koofee", which is a term we've now adopted
- Accidently heard me singing a South Park song a couple of weeks ago and will now respond to anyone saying 'What, what?' with 'In a butt!' and giggle profusely
- Decided that he's not going to wean until the age of 28
- Figured out that giving someone a good wallop is more effective when one generously sprinkles it with biting
- Has skipped over saying 'I don't like this' and is instead using 'I hate dis. I hate it. I hate dis cup!' in the most adorable voice you can imagine
- Listened to his dad curse under his breath for a few days and temporarily replaced 'Whassat?' with 'What de fuck issat?' (Having had two hard of hearing kids prior to Spawn's arrival, we're still not used to gremlins being able to hear muttering)
- Learned to use a scooter, help drive a tractor and stand on a skateboard without falling, knows all his colours, some letters and numbers, and says 'I do it, mom!' because he's trying to grow up too fast and make his mommy cry
- Has amassed an array of funky shoes (mostly hightops) because his crying mother knows it won't be long before he starts refusing to wear her idea of style
- Has acquired such a love of ride on toys that he will lay a smack down on anyone who tries to touch the one he's on, or any others he plans to ride in the future, because didn't you know we should all be able to read his mind?
- Has morphed into the funniest, cutest, nearly-two-year-old on the planet, despite the wound on my arm from his biting yesterday, despite him trying to whip the dog with a chain this morning (please don't ask where he got a chain), despite the fact that I grew him in my belly on Peanut M&Ms and Wendy's burgers
Here's his birth story, condensed. Let's remember together, shall we? And then I shall go eat my feelings and blow my nose in his baby clothes.