Now that I'm well on my way to being a skinny vegetarian, I've been thinking more and more about who I want in my entourage. After all my hard work I have plans to look like that girl we all hate - the one who must come by skinny naturally and probably eats a big bag of chips for breakfast before fitting into her size nothing clothing.. I'm going to wear cute little jeans and pretty tops and awesome shoes. I'm going to have bags that match my hair accessories. I'm going to be a show-stopping mix of sophistication and punk, of earth-loving hippy and glam, of good-heartedness and jaw-dropping coolness. And I'll walk through downtown streets as I turn heads, pretending I don't notice people noticing me.
Amazing how much life is going to change with all this weight loss, eh? I have big plans to turn it not only in a health benefit, but also a social extravaganza. If I'm going to save the earth through my meat-free diet and look good at the same time, I owe it to myself to have a good group of people behind me.
With that in mind, I've started interviewing for positions. While entourages may look cas
ually thrown together, they are anything but. A good posse is composed of just the right people doing just the right things. The smallest group has three people in it: the lead, flank right and flank left. This type notably appears in the movie Mean Girls.
...And it's a great system in that it's intimate, compact and easy to bring to the mall for those must-have shopping excursions. The only flaw is the mandatory attendance: if one of your girls calls in sick it's no longer an entourage. You'll look like besties out for a shop and a Diet Coke.
You can't go out with just one person. Ew.
In the show, Entourage, they chose a larger group of five to hang out with the main star. I haven't actually seen the show, but I hear this size works well. With five people you're completely surrounded and take up a lot of space. These are both highly positive characteristics of an entourage. Since 'entour' is french for 'around', you are meeting the literal requirements of the word.
One major problem with this system: It was designed for men. There are fundamental differences between the sexes in this instance. Do you have any idea how long it takes for five girls to get ready to go out? Guys throw some gel in their hair, whip out a dress shirt and some jeans and they're done. Women start getting ready weeks in advance. They get highlights and go dress shopping and call their friends to see if their new dress clashes with the other girl's new dress, and we spend four days in the mirror experimenting with lipstick shades. It's a very big, messy procedure. I can't imagine having to coordinate with four other girls on a regular basis.
There's also the social element. Guys say a few sentences to each other, laugh, grunt a bit, and then shoot some pool. Well, the type that would have an entourage, anyway. Women require a lot more maintenance than that. Having such dedicated soldiers in my tight, little group is going to require regular communication. We have to make sure that Flank Left isn't upset with Flank Right for wearing clashing shoes, for example. More people equals more attention. I don't know if I'm going to have that kind of time as a mother, humanitarian and incredibly good looking person to solve problems for four other women.
With these things in mind, I've decided to go with a simple, four person entourage: Flank Right, Flank Left and Trailer, with me, the Centerpiece, in the front and center. Here are the general requirements for the positions:
Flank Right: Very good looking, but not as good looking as the Centerpiece. Must look sluttier than Centerpiece, but in such a way that people think "Wow, she's pretty, but looks cheaper than the girl in the middle." Must be a good conversationalist and be willing to share frozen yogourt when Centerpiece cannot hold one with her new nails on.
Flank Left: Also very pretty, but needs to be a follower by nature. Biggest task involves holding Centerpiece's drink while she flips her hair and applies designer sunglasses in slow motion as the wind is blowing. Being good conversationalist a bonus, but not a direct requirement. Knowing Centerpiece's latte order is, however, a must.
Trailer: Generally taller than Centerpiece, but just slightly. The Trailer's main purpose is to flank the back of the entourage to make sure that other girls don't try to join in without anyone noticing. Being able to subtly push, trip or growl at followers are requirements. Being menacing is more important than being gorgeous, however some level of attractiveness and style awareness is mandatory. Trailers are often temporarily put into Flank Left or Right positions if these positions are being punished for not laughing at Centerpiece's jokes.
And there you have it. A nice, simple entourage. Positions are now open and I plan to offer a full medical and dental plan.
Amazing how much life is going to change with all this weight loss, eh? I have big plans to turn it not only in a health benefit, but also a social extravaganza. If I'm going to save the earth through my meat-free diet and look good at the same time, I owe it to myself to have a good group of people behind me.
With that in mind, I've started interviewing for positions. While entourages may look cas
ually thrown together, they are anything but. A good posse is composed of just the right people doing just the right things. The smallest group has three people in it: the lead, flank right and flank left. This type notably appears in the movie Mean Girls....And it's a great system in that it's intimate, compact and easy to bring to the mall for those must-have shopping excursions. The only flaw is the mandatory attendance: if one of your girls calls in sick it's no longer an entourage. You'll look like besties out for a shop and a Diet Coke.
You can't go out with just one person. Ew.
In the show, Entourage, they chose a larger group of five to hang out with the main star. I haven't actually seen the show, but I hear this size works well. With five people you're completely surrounded and take up a lot of space. These are both highly positive characteristics of an entourage. Since 'entour' is french for 'around', you are meeting the literal requirements of the word.
One major problem with this system: It was designed for men. There are fundamental differences between the sexes in this instance. Do you have any idea how long it takes for five girls to get ready to go out? Guys throw some gel in their hair, whip out a dress shirt and some jeans and they're done. Women start getting ready weeks in advance. They get highlights and go dress shopping and call their friends to see if their new dress clashes with the other girl's new dress, and we spend four days in the mirror experimenting with lipstick shades. It's a very big, messy procedure. I can't imagine having to coordinate with four other girls on a regular basis.There's also the social element. Guys say a few sentences to each other, laugh, grunt a bit, and then shoot some pool. Well, the type that would have an entourage, anyway. Women require a lot more maintenance than that. Having such dedicated soldiers in my tight, little group is going to require regular communication. We have to make sure that Flank Left isn't upset with Flank Right for wearing clashing shoes, for example. More people equals more attention. I don't know if I'm going to have that kind of time as a mother, humanitarian and incredibly good looking person to solve problems for four other women.
With these things in mind, I've decided to go with a simple, four person entourage: Flank Right, Flank Left and Trailer, with me, the Centerpiece, in the front and center. Here are the general requirements for the positions:
Flank Right: Very good looking, but not as good looking as the Centerpiece. Must look sluttier than Centerpiece, but in such a way that people think "Wow, she's pretty, but looks cheaper than the girl in the middle." Must be a good conversationalist and be willing to share frozen yogourt when Centerpiece cannot hold one with her new nails on.
Flank Left: Also very pretty, but needs to be a follower by nature. Biggest task involves holding Centerpiece's drink while she flips her hair and applies designer sunglasses in slow motion as the wind is blowing. Being good conversationalist a bonus, but not a direct requirement. Knowing Centerpiece's latte order is, however, a must.
Trailer: Generally taller than Centerpiece, but just slightly. The Trailer's main purpose is to flank the back of the entourage to make sure that other girls don't try to join in without anyone noticing. Being able to subtly push, trip or growl at followers are requirements. Being menacing is more important than being gorgeous, however some level of attractiveness and style awareness is mandatory. Trailers are often temporarily put into Flank Left or Right positions if these positions are being punished for not laughing at Centerpiece's jokes.
And there you have it. A nice, simple entourage. Positions are now open and I plan to offer a full medical and dental plan.