I seem to be posting about once per week these days and have been told off for doing so. Today it was mentioned that I do not blog enough for Jobthingy's liking. I apologize Job with Thingy, and will write more for you more often.
It's hard being so loved.
She would like me to talk about The Great Hose Incident of 2006, but I'm apparently too technically inept to add the picture she sent me to post with it. I will have to wait until my husband the geek can make me feel stupid by uploading it in under 30 seconds. It will happen and I will feel stupid. Then I will eat more brownies and I will feel fat, too. But the important thing is that the picture will be uploaded. Setting my eye on the prize makes any inevitable brownie-downing seem trivial.
I do have a traumatic story to tell, however. A tale of shock and awe.
I went to Tim Hortons this evening to stock up on caffeine for my solo parenting night. Geekster was going out to shred some licks with his bass-playing co-worker. Some guy jamming stuff that I am thrilled is not taking place here. Said co-worker has grown children who are no longer at home, thus nobody to wake up if they decide to crank up the amps. In 20 minutes' time I get to have a quiet house with no gremlins trailing messes behind them or demanding food or drinks or boobies (only one demands boobies, just so we're clear).
Anyway, while I was at the counter waiting for my coffee, a woman came in. A very petite woman. Probably 95lbs at most. She told me she was getting coffee for her and her husband in the form of a complaint. "Take your time. I'm in no rush," she said. "If he wanted coffee that fast he could have gotten in the car himself!"
Of course I know that's a false statement: I send my husband out to get coffee all the time and that does not diminish my want of that coffee. It just means I'm lazy.
She's obviously a regular, because they knew her order before she even said it. "Eight sugars, right?"
... I'm sorry, but I must have heard wrong. There's no way...
"Yes, two coffees each with eight sugars. Thanks."
Oh. My. Freaking. God.
I personally witnessed a sin. I'm not a Christian, but if I was I'd fight for an 11th commandment:
Thou shall not defile thine coffee with enough sugar to put thee into insulin shock.You shouldn't put sugar in coffee at all. It's wrong and it's disgusting. But I'm still accepting of people who do it. I still allow them to be my friends. I'm open-minded enough to know that not everyone has my good sense and excellent taste. But eight sugars? EIGHT?!
Lady, that's not coffee. That's coffee-flavoured icing. What do you do with it? do you take it home and spread it on cupcakes? How do you get any coffee in that cup? How are you 95 pounds? Is this what you consider to be a fat-free drink? I mean, you're right, but damn.
Damn.
I'm mortified at this abomination of my favourite drink. Mortified.
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.