Put this in your paper and smoke it

Ah, PMS week.

What I love best about being on the Baby-Free Pill is that I can detect with incredible accuracy when my most despised monthly visitor will arrive. Take today, for example:

I've been tired and guzzling down caffeine today. PMS.

I've been eating chocolate. PMS.

I can't believe the amount of acne on my forehead. You got it: PMS.

I'm feeling very opinionated today. PMS.

Well, maybe I can't entirely blame that one on hormones...

I was talking to a good friend of mine today, as I do virtually every day. Said friend and I have differences of opinion regularly. For example, she thinks spanking is an acceptable parenting tool. I think spanking can be an acceptable bedroom tool. She used the cry-it-out method with great success. I would be the one crying it out because I am a big wuss, which is one reason why I've never used that tool (and still have a toddler who wakes up virtually every evening, I might add *sigh*). She sometimes drinks her coffee cold and I consider that a mortal sin. You get where I'm going here.

And yet we've managed to great friends for years and years because we're both mature enough to agree to disagree.

Scrap that thought, actually. It's because she lets me rant on about my side of things and then politely changes the subject when I'm done and think I might actually have changed her mind, which I haven't but she's nice to let me believe that, even for a second.

She's mature. I'm The Maven. I'm funny when I get flustered and she's caught on to that, I think.

Anyway, today's topic really got me hot under the collar. Let me put it this way: You'd have a better chance convincing me that the earth is flat than convincing me that smoking pot with your teenager is a smart thing to do.

No. No. Freaking. Way.

And let me just state that my friend didn't do that with her imaginary teenager, she just thought there were advantages to doing it this way. "They're going to do it anyway, so why not where you can see them? Better than sneaking off somewhere doing God-knows-what witht heir friends."

Go ahead and agree with her. Go ahead. I know you very well might. I might even be a bit biased because I don't drink or use drugs at all, leaving the subject looking very black and white in my eyes.

But that's where you're wrong, too. It has nothing to do with that. Pot isn't the devil's grass burning a highway to hell for all who do it. Alcohol consumption does not always equal a trip to 12 step land. I get that, ok? But marijuana is illegal. And when you're rolling a fat one for your thirteen-year-old, you're telling them it's ok to break the law. You're telling them not to respect authority, as you sure as hell don't because look at what you're doing. Buying alcohol for minors is illegal. Getting minors intoxicated is illegal. You're breaking the law. You're pumping your child's young liver and kidneys full of toxins.

That's classy behaviour if I've ever seen it.

Forgive my opinion... ness.. But you might as well just take Junior out shoplifting. Because, you know, he's going to do it anyway. All kids try it. You might as well watch him and make sure he doesn't get caught. And hey, maybe he can swipe you something shiny for Mother's Day.

I don't want to be "cool" to my children or their friends. I don't want to be that "awesome" mom who lets them drink beer during the hockey games. I don't want to be their friend right now. That can come later. They have lots of friends. I need to be their mom. They only have one of those. And my job as a mom is to teach my little gremlins right from wrong. They might try drugs or underage drinking, but they'll try it knowing that it's not something I approve of. They will also know, however, that I will be the first there at 3Am to pick them up from a party so they don't get behind the wheel intoxicated. I'll be the first to talk to them about sex and drugs and all that stuff. To talk about condoms, but also about how teenage pregnancy can really put a damper on the tail end of childhood and how AIDS is the suck.

I have another friend who is not so sound of mind. In the last couple of years she's gone from someone I was the best of friends with to someone I don't even recognize anymore. She's lost in a world of drugs and parties and controlling boyfriends and really bad life choices. She's a mom who I never thought would get high in a house with her teenager, but she recently proved me wrong and that's what sparked the debate with my first friend. Poor, poor first friend.

It's incredible how parenting can really bring out the best and the worst in us. I royally suck as a parent sometimes. I yell too much and I eat too much chocolate and I don't take my kids outside as much as I should when there's two feet of snow outside. But at least I'm behaving like a mom. A sometimes PMSing mom, but one who has her priorities all set:

1. Intrepid, Gutsy, Spawnling.
2. Geekster (he's only here a few hours a day)
3. Chocolate
4. Housework

Now isn't that simple? Why can't everyone be more like me? The world would be a far better place.