Yes, I get serious and even sappy sometimes. I figured I'd share the other side of me. The slightly less evil side, in the 11th hour before my sweet little boy is born:
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
Dear Jackson,
It's early morning and I'm the only one awake. Your dad and I will leave for the hospital in just a couple of hours and will hopefully be holding a beautiful you by day's end. It's a surreal experience to know I'll finally be able to look you in the eyes and smell your newborn scent.
Yet, as excited as I am to meet you, a part of me is saddened at the thought of letting you go. You have been growing inside of me your entire life thus far, which has been the better part of a year; a gem glittering in the light for me alone. A special treasure. Sharing something so precious with the rest of the world is a sense of immense pride coupled, perhaps, with a small yet selfish desire to want to keep you to myself.
It seems like only yesterday when I stared at two lines on a pregnancy test: one of them was fairly faint, but I knew what it meant. Life would never again be the same. Reality had shifted in the most amazing way. It was a Monday evening and we were preparing to have our financial advisor over to discuss life insurance. It was a typical, uneventful day with few surprises - until you let me know in no uncertain terms that you were there.
Shock turns to fear and fear into pure joy. From that moment, Joy has been a constant throughout our journey together thus far, despite the typical miseries that come with the gift of a fertile body. Pregnancy is emotionally challenging and physically exhausting, to say the least, despite its obvious reward. I would be lying if I said otherwise!
But I would take none of it back, sweet Jackson. None of it at all. How could I? You wait at the end of this rainbow. There is no bigger reward than that.
I will never forget the first time I felt you wiggle inside of me. It wasn't a gentle, bubbly feeling like I experienced with your brothers, but a mighty kick that surprised me from someone so small. Since then, your strong movements have been a constant reminder of the amazing work my body has done in helping you grow. They bring a smile to my face no matter what kind of day I've had.
I've never felt more beautiful than I have with you growing within me. My belly, while quite large and cumbersome at this point, serves an honourable purpose that makes it gorgeous in my eyes. My body is working on a masterpiece that fills me with pride. One would think that by a third pregnancy I might be less impressed with these things than I was the first two times around, but that simply isn't the case. The truth is, I appreciate it all the more this time. Yet another gift I've received from you.
I will miss having you growing inside of me. I'll always remember sharing this very special bond with my last baby boy. And yet I know there's so much more to look forward to. Tonight I will hold you in my arms instead of in my womb. I can't wait, little one. May our journey today be peaceful and endlessly rewarding.
With so much love and anticipation,
Mom
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
Dear Jackson,
It's early morning and I'm the only one awake. Your dad and I will leave for the hospital in just a couple of hours and will hopefully be holding a beautiful you by day's end. It's a surreal experience to know I'll finally be able to look you in the eyes and smell your newborn scent.
Yet, as excited as I am to meet you, a part of me is saddened at the thought of letting you go. You have been growing inside of me your entire life thus far, which has been the better part of a year; a gem glittering in the light for me alone. A special treasure. Sharing something so precious with the rest of the world is a sense of immense pride coupled, perhaps, with a small yet selfish desire to want to keep you to myself.
It seems like only yesterday when I stared at two lines on a pregnancy test: one of them was fairly faint, but I knew what it meant. Life would never again be the same. Reality had shifted in the most amazing way. It was a Monday evening and we were preparing to have our financial advisor over to discuss life insurance. It was a typical, uneventful day with few surprises - until you let me know in no uncertain terms that you were there.
Shock turns to fear and fear into pure joy. From that moment, Joy has been a constant throughout our journey together thus far, despite the typical miseries that come with the gift of a fertile body. Pregnancy is emotionally challenging and physically exhausting, to say the least, despite its obvious reward. I would be lying if I said otherwise!
But I would take none of it back, sweet Jackson. None of it at all. How could I? You wait at the end of this rainbow. There is no bigger reward than that.
I will never forget the first time I felt you wiggle inside of me. It wasn't a gentle, bubbly feeling like I experienced with your brothers, but a mighty kick that surprised me from someone so small. Since then, your strong movements have been a constant reminder of the amazing work my body has done in helping you grow. They bring a smile to my face no matter what kind of day I've had.
I've never felt more beautiful than I have with you growing within me. My belly, while quite large and cumbersome at this point, serves an honourable purpose that makes it gorgeous in my eyes. My body is working on a masterpiece that fills me with pride. One would think that by a third pregnancy I might be less impressed with these things than I was the first two times around, but that simply isn't the case. The truth is, I appreciate it all the more this time. Yet another gift I've received from you.
I will miss having you growing inside of me. I'll always remember sharing this very special bond with my last baby boy. And yet I know there's so much more to look forward to. Tonight I will hold you in my arms instead of in my womb. I can't wait, little one. May our journey today be peaceful and endlessly rewarding.
With so much love and anticipation,
Mom