I am the ultimate discount shopping whore.
Since resigning as mayor of Daycareville, I've had to keep things pretty low key in the shopping department. Intrepid's school supplies came up to $70, not including his backpack or clothes. That was after paying $100 in school fees and $512 in school taxes. I'd roll over in my grave if I were dead (which probably won't be too long as I'm quickly approaching the golden years).
I stopped in at the dollar store today and spent a whopping $14.16. I bought toothbrushes (as of this morning, both Geekster's and my dental instruments have been contaminated with Ivory soap in Gutsy's attempts to earn another 'merit badge' by making the bathroom sink sparkle), the last of Intrepid's school supplies, some baby socks, wash cloths and hooded towels and two toys. Gutsy wanted a claw of sorts and Intrepid decided on a flashing Spongebob pin. I don't get the pin thing at all, but I figured it will take up very little precious landfill space, so it's not the worst thing he could buy and forget about in ten minutes.
Off to the thrift store next, where I bought ten items of clothing - six for Intrepid and four for InUtero Boy - for $24. This included a beautiful pair of Gap cargo pants for $2.99, which deserves a celebration all on its own. A parade, perhaps.
I'd like to say the boys were really well behaved when we were out. I'd like to write about how they followed me around quietly and didn't touch a thing without asking first. How they didn't bump into other people, other people's carts or dive into clothing racks. That I didn't have to resort to telling them they had to put their hands on the counter and not move a muscle until I was done paying. That idle threats weren't used to coerce them into the van and back home at the end of our excursion. That at no point in the shopping trip did I question why I had gone out with them in the first place.
However, the last time I saw a pig, it hadn't sprouted any wings. Besides, it would make my nicknames of 'gremlins' and 'spawnlings' rather ridiculous, wouldn't it?
I think I know why they're like this. When they were nothing but little souls searching for their future parents, they put us in the 'maybe' pile and revisited it later. They probably sat around narrowing down the contestants.
'Well, these ones are rich, but they'll want us to play golf and wear sweater vests during the holidays.'
'Nah. No good. How about these ones? They fight a lot, but there's always beer in the house that can be easily accessed during our rebellious years.'
'Sounds too rageful. We might have a hard time stopping drinking after we leave home. Hmm... These people seem pretty normal. Oh, hang on a sec.... What's this about him spending a lot of time with his pet sheep when she's sleeping? Er..'
'Stay away from guys who enjoy the company of sheep at any time other than wool collection, I always say. Hmm, that leaves these ones, eh? He's some geeky computer guy and she's.. well, she's undecided. She's a social worker.. No, wait. No. She changes her mind. She ends up being a lactation consultant.'
'No, you didn't flip the page, stupid. She takes some of the courses and then doesn't go back to school to get a degree because she gets sidetracked. Again. And again. Wow, she really can't make up her mind, can she? And then she... blogs? Daily?'
'Haha, what a loser!'
'Seriously.'
'Ok, so she's a loser, but she does want to stay home and raise us. That's good, right?'
'Definitely. Nobody else is going to put up with us. There is no family member strong enough, no daycare worker paid enough. She's going to have to stay home. At least it'll give her time to figure out what she wants to do. And uh... BLOG!'
'LOL!! You kill me.'
'I might later, actually. You wreck my PSP after mom and dad make me let you use it on my bunk bed.'
'Ouch. Sorry about that.'
'Yeah, I'll hate you for it in a few years. Anyway, off I go. They're about to have unprotected sex thinking that pregnancy happens to other people. Not terribly bright, these two. But if it's between them and the sheep guy...'
Since resigning as mayor of Daycareville, I've had to keep things pretty low key in the shopping department. Intrepid's school supplies came up to $70, not including his backpack or clothes. That was after paying $100 in school fees and $512 in school taxes. I'd roll over in my grave if I were dead (which probably won't be too long as I'm quickly approaching the golden years).
I stopped in at the dollar store today and spent a whopping $14.16. I bought toothbrushes (as of this morning, both Geekster's and my dental instruments have been contaminated with Ivory soap in Gutsy's attempts to earn another 'merit badge' by making the bathroom sink sparkle), the last of Intrepid's school supplies, some baby socks, wash cloths and hooded towels and two toys. Gutsy wanted a claw of sorts and Intrepid decided on a flashing Spongebob pin. I don't get the pin thing at all, but I figured it will take up very little precious landfill space, so it's not the worst thing he could buy and forget about in ten minutes.
Off to the thrift store next, where I bought ten items of clothing - six for Intrepid and four for InUtero Boy - for $24. This included a beautiful pair of Gap cargo pants for $2.99, which deserves a celebration all on its own. A parade, perhaps.
I'd like to say the boys were really well behaved when we were out. I'd like to write about how they followed me around quietly and didn't touch a thing without asking first. How they didn't bump into other people, other people's carts or dive into clothing racks. That I didn't have to resort to telling them they had to put their hands on the counter and not move a muscle until I was done paying. That idle threats weren't used to coerce them into the van and back home at the end of our excursion. That at no point in the shopping trip did I question why I had gone out with them in the first place.
However, the last time I saw a pig, it hadn't sprouted any wings. Besides, it would make my nicknames of 'gremlins' and 'spawnlings' rather ridiculous, wouldn't it?
I think I know why they're like this. When they were nothing but little souls searching for their future parents, they put us in the 'maybe' pile and revisited it later. They probably sat around narrowing down the contestants.
'Well, these ones are rich, but they'll want us to play golf and wear sweater vests during the holidays.'
'Nah. No good. How about these ones? They fight a lot, but there's always beer in the house that can be easily accessed during our rebellious years.'
'Sounds too rageful. We might have a hard time stopping drinking after we leave home. Hmm... These people seem pretty normal. Oh, hang on a sec.... What's this about him spending a lot of time with his pet sheep when she's sleeping? Er..'
'Stay away from guys who enjoy the company of sheep at any time other than wool collection, I always say. Hmm, that leaves these ones, eh? He's some geeky computer guy and she's.. well, she's undecided. She's a social worker.. No, wait. No. She changes her mind. She ends up being a lactation consultant.'
'No, you didn't flip the page, stupid. She takes some of the courses and then doesn't go back to school to get a degree because she gets sidetracked. Again. And again. Wow, she really can't make up her mind, can she? And then she... blogs? Daily?'
'Haha, what a loser!'
'Seriously.'
'Ok, so she's a loser, but she does want to stay home and raise us. That's good, right?'
'Definitely. Nobody else is going to put up with us. There is no family member strong enough, no daycare worker paid enough. She's going to have to stay home. At least it'll give her time to figure out what she wants to do. And uh... BLOG!'
'LOL!! You kill me.'
'I might later, actually. You wreck my PSP after mom and dad make me let you use it on my bunk bed.'
'Ouch. Sorry about that.'
'Yeah, I'll hate you for it in a few years. Anyway, off I go. They're about to have unprotected sex thinking that pregnancy happens to other people. Not terribly bright, these two. But if it's between them and the sheep guy...'