Can you believe it’s been two years?

Two years ago today we got an email that would change our lives.

“I am a girl trapped in a boy’s body,” it read. “More than anything, I want to be a girl. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.”

I still remember my blood running cold when I read her words, and how I had to pull myself together to go into her room and tell her how much I love and support her. I could hardly eat a thing for days – not even chocolate, you guys.

I remember spending those early days crying into the phone, crying into the eggs in the frying pan, crying while going through the drive-through (“can you repeat that, ma’am?”) Lots of crying. Lots of mascara reapplication. Maybelline loved me very much two years ago.

And never mind me. She was terrified. Wracked with anxiety, battling her way through depression. We had to pull her out of school within a few months, after one of her teachers said, “She’s shutting down, Amanda. I’m afraid we’re losing her.” School work was the least of Alexis’ concerns back then. Her friends had stopped talking to her, the world as she knew it was folding in on her.

But I will say one thing: Despite how lonely and heartbroken and scared she was, she never wavered. Not once. “I am a girl. That’s who I am.”

She bravely shopped for and wore the clothes she was comfortable in, despite the initial stares from strangers. She used the public washrooms that matched her identity. She went to every appointment at the hospital’s gender identity clinic, advocating for herself and asking for support.

Two years. No, seriously. Can you even?

Since then, that tearful, fearful little person I once knew as my son has morphed into the most incredible young lady. I have a daughter. Her name is Alexis, and I can’t imagine her any other way. 

The boy we once thought she was is a memory. And while I’ve had my moments of feeling loss, she has filled that space where “he” once was in the most beautiful way. I wouldn’t change who she is for the world.

She was eleven then, and now she is thirteen. Her confidence has grown along with her smile. Her hair is unbelievably enviable – ask anyone she knows. Her wit and attitude are impressive. There is no denying we have a teenager in the house.

She goes to school (most days.) She has sweet friends. She has a whole new life with a lot of people who love her.

I am so proud of the person she’s become and the bravery it took to get here. I’m proud of the work she does for her community. She openly tells her story to journalists and fellow students, to medical professionals and youth workers. She feels a deep sense of responsibility to make the world a better place. When I see her empowering others, it’s much easier to overlook the teenage door slamming.

I love you, Alexis. Thank you for opening my eyes and changing my world. I couldn’t be happier to be your mom. As you put it, happy traniversary!