How a Community Lifted up My Transgender Daughter

April 24, 2015 The Maven

She's taking selfies now. Totally my kid.

I haven't written a blog post in two weeks because the idea has felt - and still feels - completely overwhelming.

That's because I know that, in this post, I'm going to have to say "thank you" for all your support over the last couple of weeks. And "thank you" just doesn't seem nearly enough. Not even close. You deserve a parade or some topless dancers or oh my god a parade with topless dancers.

Unfortunately, I lack the budget for that type of fun on account of being a writer who is not J. K. Rowling. So you'll have to settle for a "thank you."

Thank you to everyone who read, shared, commented on, tweeted or emailed me about my post introducing the world to Alexis. When I said "world," you took that literally. My inbox is overflowing with supportive messages from all over the world like a bowl of chocolate on my lap during PMS week. (Usually M&Ms, often of the peanut variety. I growl when anyone goes near it.)

I'm trying to get back to everyone - really trying - but it might take a while. If you haven't heard from me, it's not because I'm a jerk.

Ok I am a jerk, but only if you ask my eight-year-old at bedtime.

I'm making a memory book for Alexis with all your messages to her in it. I hope she'll look at it on the bad days and remember that she's never alone. I think we could all use a book like that sometimes. (Particularly during PMS week.)

Thank you to Hallie Cotnam from CBC Ottawa Morning for a wonderful portrayal of our family, in which we actually seemed pretty normal. Ah, the magic of radio. My personal goal in doing this interview was to normalize trans families, and I think she did a stellar job.

This piece (courtesy of CBC Radio) has been aired both locally and nationally in the last few days, and the response from listeners was incredible.

So incredible, in fact, that a few hours after CBC Ottawa Morning first aired it, CBC Television called, quite unexpectedly, and came to our house with cameras 45 minutes later to do a video segment for the nightly news.

I wish I could look that calm with a camera in my face.

(As an aside, I did not realize that I could shower, do my hair, put on makeup, find unwrinkled clothing and clean the entire first floor in less than 45 minutes. But apparently I can. I'm just glad they didn't capture the epic balls of dog fur on the stairs. When the producer said, "We can shoot around any mess you might have," he thankfully meant it.)

Last Friday was the Day of Silence , and the wonderful people at BlogHer asked me to write a piece on how anti-LGBT bullying has affected our family.

With Alexis' permission, I shared her difficult story of exclusion and harassment after she came out, which is a big part of why we decided to homeschool her for the time being.

It's a reminder that there's still so much work to do, especially in schools. But once again, the response was so positive. Thank you, BlogHer, for always being incredible allies.

Yesterday I received a journalism award - one with a focus on human rights - from the Ontario Association of Social Workers. It was for an article I wrote last fall in Ottawa Family Living on raising transgender kids.

I want to send a big thank you to the OASW, and a high-five to journalist Shaamini Yogaretnam from the Ottawa Citizen, who also received the award in the large print category.

Yessss.

I've never won an award for anything, you guys, so I probably would have been happy to get one in a box of Frosted Flakes at this point. But to receive one for this reason, and to be recognized by the very people who work with the community I'm so passionate about? Now that's something I'll always be proud of. I'll look at it every time I need a reminder to keep writing.

So what have I taken away from the last couple of weeks?

A lot, actually.

The world is a far kinder place than I thought it was. I know this because we stepped out of our little bubble with a crazy viral post and interviews, only to be greeted with unbelievable kindness.

Were there a handful of trolls? Of course there were. Were there people who screamed that we're terrible parents who are screwing up our child? Well, yeah. That was going to happen. There will always be people like that. Hell, you can sign a child up for baseball and someone, somewhere, will object. Angry people find reasons to be angry. And sometimes people will ignore facts, data and everything society has learned on an issue, and instead choose ignorance and discrimination. I can't change them, but I can keep writing in spite of them. And I will.

Ottawa is a great place to raise my daughter. I feel like the entire city wrapped its arms around her last week, and I don't think I can adequately express how meaningful that was to her and our entire family. I've never been prouder to call Ottawa home.

But there's still much work to do. Society is getting on board, but my daughter still needs safe spaces and equal rights. I'm speaking at a Fundraiser tomorrow night and I'll be bringing Alex to a rally on Parliament Hill on Tuesday to encourage the passing of Bill C-279, the Transgender Rights Bill. (And then I'll be reading at Blog Out Loud Ottawa in the evening! You should come. It's free!)

So thank you, all of you, for your encouragement, positivity, and love. Thank you from a mom who sees the long road her daughter faces, but knows now, beyond a doubt, that she will never face it alone.

You deserve all the topless parades in the world. And maybe even some of my PMS chocolate.

Maybe.