Dear Judgmental Mom
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| Waves of Change Image credit |
I just want you to know we're cool.
Yes you, with your eyes that won't meet mine these days, the one who ignores me even when I speak to you, the one who seems to tell everyone but me how strongly you disagree with us supporting our transgender child in her transition.
The thing is, I have to let you have your opinion. I don't have to like it or agree with it or think it's at all based in the twenty-first century, but it's your right to have it. Sure, it may go against logic, science and basic human rights, but it's yours.
Ok, I'll admit I was hurt. A little. Not because you disagree with our parenting - that's entirely your call - but because of the way you've chosen to go about it. We're not close friends, we're not even Facebook friends, and I'm pretty sure you don't even know I have a blog. But nobody likes to feel ignored or ostracized, dude. And for a while - a very short while - I contemplated avoiding any place you might be because it made me uncomfortable.
I contemplated it for, like, two milliseconds.
That would have been needlessly complicated and my life is complicated enough, so I'm glad I talked myself out of that one. And you know what else? I don't want my daughter avoiding places because of what other people might think, so I'm definitely not going to set that kind of example.
I want her walk tall, hold her beautiful head up, and be fabulously fierce. I want her to part the proverbial sea wherever she goes, and those nearby can either choose to be where she is or swim away. She doesn't need to be avoiding people, ever. And neither do I.
My child is undergoing a huge transformation. It's something you or I could never fully grasp, but I might have a slightly better clue on account of being her mom and actually researching gender dysphoria before whacking at it with the judgment cane. This was a kid who hid in her room for years. This was a kid who hated who she was. This was a kid who wanted so desperately to be anything but miserable.
And when she discovered what was going on, this was a kid who was terrified of what that meant in a way I can't even begin to imagine.
But she came to us; she entrusted us with this secret she had been holding onto so tightly. She is the bravest human being I know, and probably one of the bravest you know too - even if you can't see it right now. You may never see it, but that doesn't make it any less true.
As parents, we did what unconditional love insisted we do: we supported our child. What else is there to do, really? Have you seen the statistics on LGBT kids who aren't supported by their families?
Sky high suicide rates.
Homelessness.
Poverty.
Misery.
And trans people have the worst of it.
But our daughter had some key advantages: open-minded parents, wonderful brothers, an amazing extended family and network of friends. She has access to specialists and time on her side. And, as this study shows, trans kids who start the process at her age thrive. Their puberty is suppressed before irreversible and traumatic things happen to their bodies. They get medical support early so they can transition as completely as any person can.
They thrive, lady. That's what we want for her; A rich and full and wonderful life. Isn't that what every parent wants?
So, if kids who are supported in their transition thrive and kids who are not supported have the highest suicide rates of any group, who is rocking the shit out of this parenting thing?
Oh, that's right: This girl. The one you're judging.
Funny, that.
Today I took my daughter to get a really cute haircut. She also got her first purse and a necklace and some cute shoes. She looks totally adorable and about as girly as a girl can girl. I can't wait for you to see her.
Because we will be around, my daughter and I.
We won't be avoiding any place or any person.
We will be standing tall and making waves.
We won't ignore you like you do us.
I'm going to be nice and polite and cheerily engage you whenever possible. I'm going to teach my daughter how to deal with the difficult people, because there will be many in her lifetime. There are haters everywhere. You aren't the first and you won't be the last.
So expect smiles and great shoes and one amazing kid and her mom all up in your business. In the nicest way possible, of course.
See you around.