Today Gutsy's class is going on a field trip. (No, Ottawa, we don't have a snow day on the Quebec side). They're walking from the school to the park to go skating. They asked for volunteers.

I live three blocks from the school. I could meet them there and walk another three blocks to the park.

But I'm not.

Then I'd just have to help a few kids tie their skates up and stand watch to make sure nobody breaks their incisors or gets a finger sliced off.

But I won't.

I'm feeling kind of guilty, and yet I have sound reasons for staying home.

First of all, it's not like I'm a stranger to volunteering at the school. In fact, I went on a field trip just last week with his class to the Museum of Nature. It was awesome. Well, other than the kid who kept wandering off. Not that he wasn't awesome (he was - especially when in my line of sight), it's just that I kept thinking I was going to have a heart attack every time he disappeared.

Which leads us to the second reason: My dad had a heart attack. An actual one. It's been a little stressful this week, and I'm tired in a way that coffee can't fix right now.

Which leads me into the third reason: Even if coffee could fix it, I can't drink it anymore - the caffeinated version, anyway. No, for real. I'm very really quite sure I have a caffeine allergy. It's possibly the worst dietary tragedy that could have befallen me, and I think I'd benefit from therapy to work through my grief. But I have to stop drinking it. I have to. Why?

Fourth good reason not to go on today's skating excursion: The eczema on my hands? I'm 99% sure the caffeine brings it on and the stress keeps it there. I took it out and everything cleared up. I added it back in and my hands broke out again. I'm now back on decaf but my hands are still very angry with me. You know when you cheated on your girlfriend but she couldn't move out for another couple of months because the lease wasn't up yet and her parents live four hours away? That angry. What's going to make my hands worse? The cold and gratuitous skate tying, that's what. So the rink at the park is out - for my health. I was in so much pain this morning I couldn't make lunches. My hands need a rest.

Wait.

Hold up.

Did I just manage to thread all four reasons into each other? Holy shit, I'm a good writer sometimes. Not always - only when I notice and make comments about it.

I just don't get why I feel bad. I mean, really Maven? It's been a crap week. I volunteer all the time. I'm not an overachiever by nature, so I don't quite understand why I'm wracked with guilt over bowing out of a single trip to the park. My slacker side should be patting me on the back when she gets around to it.

Yesterday I went to the hospital for the afternoon while my dad had a procedure done (he's doing much better today and he should be able to come home!) Then I came back to Casa Maven, ate dinner, transformed the place into a show home and got everybody out of the house while a prospective buyer came over. When we came back home, I did four pages of homework and a project with Spawnling (for some reason we'd fallen a bit behind on his work).

I'm an unintentional superhero.

And that was just yesterday.

So yes, Maven needs a break. Deserves a break. So very badly.

And that's why I volunteered to go over to my parents' place today and get it ready for my dad to come home.

I might be a little broken inside.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind words on the blog, on Facebook and on Twitter about my wonderful dad. You've been a great support system. I wish I could buy you all coffee.

And watch you drink it.

Sigh.