I know a lot of parents. Like, because I'm so popular and stuff.

Anyway, Sometimes these parents I know brag about their children. Who can blame them? I do it too. We all want to share the good stuff with others, right?  We all want to celebrate the accomplishments of our little sperm and egg omelettes. Broadcasting those accomplishments is what parenting is all about.

Okay, and maybe there's a bit of unconditional love in there too, but let's not get too wrapped up in details.

Let's say, however, that your family is, uh, going through a phase, and the children haven't done anything you'd deem worthy of posting on Bragbook lately. Maybe changing your status to "Alex kicked ass at the class spelling bee!... two years ago." lacks the likes you'd hoped for. What do you do then?

Or maybe your child is a late bloomer who's going to do amazing things like cure cancer or end global warming when she's older, but there's currently a lack of material going on between "Pam learned to walk! We're so proud!" and "Pam graduated high school! We're so proud!" Then what?

Or perhaps you're the family with the kids who are chronically late for school every day and arrive dressed inappropriately for the weather, throw fits in the hardware store when you won't buy them bubble gum at the counter, and proceed to punch you in the stomach right before you throw them over your shoulder and walk out wondering if there's some kind of relocation program that hands out new identities to families who leave stores embarrassed enough to consider such things. Not that I speak from experience.

Don't worry: As as mom who's family is infamous for regularly " going through a phase", I've found a way to combat those temporary feelings of parental inadequacy; those awkward moments when everyone at the table is finished talking about how great their kids are and they're waiting for you to chime in with your own stories.

The secret is this: Through the power of perspective,   you can turn almost anything into a brag.

You are so going to thank me for this. It's basically just an exercise in reframing. You take something that could unfairly be seen as negative and turn it into something unbelievably positive and even potentially envy-inducing. It takes a bit of practice, but you'll get the hang of it.

Here are some examples:

Them: "OMG, you guys! Thomas got straight A's in every class - again!"

You: "OMG, you guys! Johnny got an award from the principal for not biting anyone this term! I'm having it professionally framed because it's so unique. Not like a good report card or something."


Them: "My daughter helped make dinner and then did all the dishes. I'm so proud to have an amazing child like her!"

You: "I can really relate! My daughter didn't rub it in my face when I ran my foot over with the cart at Walmart and swore so loudly it made babies cry. I'm so proud to have a child who knows when to pretend things never happened."


Them: "Martin's team won the finals, in large part because of his incredible goalie skills!"

You: "That's great! You know, just the other day, Garfunkel ran into an old man with a walker and  knocked him right down. Don't worry, the walker's fine. Anyway, talk about some great body checking skills, am I right? We're thinking hockey in the Fall!"


Sometimes there's a more challenging situation, like this one:


Them: "Thanks so much for having us over for dinner. Cindy's doing so great! This year she's captain of the basketball team, head cheerleader, sings in the church choir and, in her spare time, tutors orphaned amputees. We couldn't be more proud. How's Laura?"

You: "How lovely! Well, Laura's finding herself through indie music and graffiti this year because screw you and go home. Oh, and leave the pie."

The positive part of this method is that you get to stuff your angry face full of pie.

Happy bragging!