Ow. Oww. Owwwwwwww!

That's me, whining.

Spawnling, Gutsy, and I got the H1N1 vaccine today. It didn't hurt at all.

Until later, that is. And now it feels like a professional pitcher just threw a brick at me from six feet away - and that's after taking Advil.

I've had flu shots before, but I don't remember a single one hurting quite this much. I would get some muscle aches and soreness around the injection site, but nothing that travels into my back and neck like this. Still, it's better than getting the flu - especially if you're asthmatic like Gutsy or me.

I gave it a lot of thought, and ultimately decided that we would get vaccinated when it was easy to do so. No standing in line in the wee hours of the morning, no waiting in a crowded, disorganized environment; The Maven likes good service and is willing to wait for it. I want my social medicine served with a side order of quality, which is exactly what we got today.

I've been PMSing this week and am frankly a bit disappointed by the lack of rudeness over my choice to get this vaccine. Like the flu, the preventative has been blown out of proportion to make it seem so big and so scary and so greed-driven that everyone seems to have an opinion one way or the other. I was sure people would be more confrontational when I said I was getting vaccinated. Instead, most friends who don't want the vaccine are being rather polite about the whole thing.

Why can't you just argue with me? Can't you see I'm bitchy and need an outlet? Don't you want me to lose my shit on you? We can always make up after, anyway. And if I'm really good, I can make it seem like your fault and you'll buy me a coffee and we'll both feel better. This could be a good thing for our relationship.

Mostly for my side of the relationship, but whatever - that's the important side.

I have, however, magically resisted the urge to start a fight when someone is trying to be politically correct by saying 'The vaccine isn't for me'. It's a very nice thing to say, isn't it? And the non-PMSing me would never think of countering such a perfectly acceptable statement. After all, it's not targeted at yours truly; it's not a statement of superiority veiled in a seemingly benign comment. Reading too much into things is what Typical Maven strives to avoid.

But the PMS-infested Maven, well, she wants to lash out at people who don't seem to understand what a child with weakened lungs goes through with a cold, let alone a flu. She wants to viciously reply with 'Want to know what's not for me? Seeing my son gasp for breath because his lungs are filled with fluid. That's way less appealing than a vaccine, don't you think?'

She wants to describe what it's like to have a child with low oxygen who has to stay at the hospital for several days on i.v. antibiotics, and get mask treatments, and stay in an isolated room. Because a Maven ravaged by hormones gets defensive, and thinks people don't understand her, and plays victim beautifully. It's a great excuse to dine on a big bag of jellybeans and feel sorry for herself because people just don't understand.

Well, that could of been a lot of wasted energy and hurt feelings. Really, I could skip the entire first part and just have the jellybeans. That seems to make more sense.

I realized today how defensive I was feeling about the whole thing, and then stopped and laughed at myself - which I often do, but this time I had to hold my arm because it hurt. What a silly not-so-little person I am. I mean, I'm The Maven, for crying out loud. I make fantastic decisions (minus the chocolate eating and occasional late-night coffee, which we all know keeps my body humming in a very manic state until the wee hours of the morning.)

I did my research, I weighed the pros and cons, I saw firsthand what the flu did to my 12-year-old, and knew it could do a lot worse to my pneumonia-prone seven-year-old or me, the awesome asthmatic. I made the right choice for me, for my family, based on the data available right now. What's there to be defensive about? And, really, it's a flu and this is just a flu shot, which we always get because we're at higher risk of getting up close and personal with a ventilator or a coffin. It's sort of a no-brainer, so I don't see why I even agonized over it.

I'm pleased to say the insecure portion of my otherwise stellar personality will be very soon locked away for another three weeks or so. I don't like to let her out much. She's a drag at parties, kind of like a whiny chick with a sore arm.

Which would explain why I'm not at a party right now.