The gremlins are sleeping and the Geekster is away, so the Maven will play?

Nope. The Maven will eat cheddar chips and watch a documentary on the evolution of dinosaurs to modern day reptiles and birds.

The Maven is an exciting individual who leads an exciting life. We should all wish we were more like her.

I may have partied hard with my Fruitopia and Sprite Zero mocktails on Saturday night at my sister's, but normally I'm a pretty dull person. Very dull. Drab, even. Just ask anyone who knows me. They'll say "Oh. Her? She's... drab. I wish I didn't know her, actually. Why are we friends again? Oh. That's right: she makes me look good"

Yep. Allowing people to compare themselves to me is another way I keep myself indispensable.

What else am I doing right now? Why, I'm researching how to help my six-year-old not get pneumonia again! It's a lot of fun. I spoke with a blogger friend of mine who offered me great ideas from years of experience with her own child, and pretty much everything else I read is echoing what she said: Eliminate or reduce refined sugar, dairy and wheat.

No problem. It's not like those are main ingredients in anything.

Right now, I'm going to take the path of fewer tantrums and practice reduction rather than complete elimination. I would like to maintain my sanity as well as his health. Surely there must be a happy medium. Right?

Right?!

I really hope I'm right.

If we're vegetarians who don't eat wheat, dairy or sugar, what on earth can we eat?

- lettuce and other green things
- apples and stuff like apples
- types of grains I can spell but can't pronounce, like quinoa (Kweh-no-ah? Kee-noo-ay? Kant-say-meh?)
- honey, but not on Eggos or anything good
- coffee flavoure with my tears because soy cream makes me want to vomit

Thus completes my list. See what I mean? We just can't do it. We wouldn't be able to eat anything. All of my favourite foods would be completely gone. I would be very hungry. I would waste away to...

No meat, no sugar, no dairy, no wheat. Got it.

At least I won't get pneumonia, and think about how hot I'll look!

Okay, okay. Reduction. And a naturopath. And a chiropractor (we have an awesome one). I just want to beat the shit out of this pneumonia once and for all. No child should get sick this often with the same thing. Not to mention that the 3 1/2 years that I breastfed the little nipple monkey doesn't seem to be providing him with a whole lot of protection in the lungs. How unfair is that? We are not amused.

I'm going to go sulk and brainstorm ways to get regular doses of oregano oil into Gutsy. Ever had oregano oil? You probably don't want to unless you're sick like Gutsy or a freak like me who likes her body to stay strong and fit.

I'm still working on the "fit" portion of that last sentence...