Thank you for the love, sheeple. Truly, I appreciate all the comments, emails and phone calls of love.

Except for the calls where I pick up and someone is breathing hard. I don't appreciate that kind of love unless I consent to it. Just so we're clear.

I was having a very crap evening and this morning wasn't so great either until my friends showed up with gifts of coffee and chocolate. Being able to slowly brainwash people into thinking I'm so fun to hang out with that they must bribe me with food has proven to be a worthwhile effort. Sure, it's a huge lie, but who cares? In the end I get sweets and bitters. And once they figure out how boring I am I'll have convinced someone else they want to please my stomach.

Baby, don't hate the playah. Hate the game.

Completely coffeed out and with friends gone home, I'm indulging in a glass of water - exciting - and a chocolate-covered cherry - significantly more exciting, I'd say. Intrepid and Gutsy were ushered off to school with a hired marching band following the bus. I ran alongside it with some pompoms and made up cheers about how wonderful it was that March Break was over. It was a subtle sendoff, but I think they got the message.

As of right now, Spawnling and both dogs are asleep in various parts of the house, while one cat is eating and the other is outside like it's Spring or something, but with a foot of snow still on the ground. He's old and senile, so we'll forgive his stupidity. In short, this seems like the perfect time to write about how fantastic my spa weekend was, and maybe even add in a few pictures.

For starters, I attended the Ottawa Blogger Brunch... Or is that Breakfast? I never remember. It was a lot of fun. After this brunch I have deemed Nat and I to be official, bona fide friends and not just geeky internet weirdos having the occasional coffee, as we've spent enough real life time together. I met Laurie and one of her sons who was probably the most personable child I've had the pleasure of hanging out with. In fact, it made me wonder what is wrong with my own gremlins that they don't sit and talk to grownups in quite that way.

(It may have something to do with my referring to them as gremlins, which are little, ugly destructive goblin-type creatures. It could maybe be affecting their self-esteem a little. I don't know.)

I also had the pleasure of finally - finally! - meeting Jobthingy's Raspyberry. Can I just say that I adore that guy? What I don't adore, however, is their constant mushy gushy stab-me-in-the-eye sweetness with each other. It's disgusting! I mean, get over yourselves. Even my sister - who I rebelliously brought to the meal even though she's *gasp* not a blogger - was grossed out. We kept rolling our eyes at each other as we attempted to keep our food down.

I also met Raino, Hannah78 and several others I'll add to my blogroll. They're really cool chicks and so personable! Who new you could use the internet and not be creepy?

These are mine and jobthingy's name tags after the big event:



After brunch we hit the spa. I got my first ever pedicure. Man, that was gross. Who knew you could slice off that much dead skin from a heel? Uber nasty. I really admire people who can work on feet for a living. The aesthetician put pretty coral pink on my toes, which inspired me to buy a pink purse and dark metallic slip-ons with hot pink interiors. I was in heaven, buying stuff just for me! Normally I wouldn't, but I was caught up in the do-something-for-yourself whirlwind and I just couldn't stop. Sort of like binge drinking but with a money hangover.

My hair got cut and straintened at the hair salon. Damn I looked sexy. Well, sexier anyway. Slightly more sexy than usual, which probably isn't saying much. Still, I liked. Here's a pic of my sister and I getting ready for dinner. Note my hotness.


It takes me a good 45 minutes to an hour to straighten my hair. Way too much work with three gremlins to tame on a daily basis. I'm relieved to report that it looks almost as good curly if I put a bunch of frizz-taming and curl-enhancing products in it. It's all about the products, ladies.

We had dinner at an Italian place. As a non-meat-eater I was highly skeptical. Normally when a vegematarian goes to a place where meat is served, the dishes are rather bland and boring without a big slab of seasoned carcass. Not so at this place; I had the most amazing fetuccini of my life. I'm salivating just thinking about it.

Salivating all over my keyboard like an internet pervert. That's freaking gross. Where's the tissue?

Clubbing was fab. I had my first ever energy drink, which is basically some pop with a hell of a lot of caffeine in it. It had zero affect on me for the first twenty minutes. I thought of telling the company that their drink is for sissies. Then it hit me like a herd of elephants and I started yelling song lyrics while dancing profusely anywhere I was. I couldn't sit still.

No more energy drinks for The Maven. She has no tolerance. They are like crack to her. She is banned.

We had poutine at a 24h diner when the clocks changed from 2 to 3am. I felt like a bad girl being out so late. It was a wonderful feeling. I started to get really giddy as the energy drink wore off. We headed back to the hotel around 4am, which was really 3am but whatever.

Around 4:30am we - mostly the drunk sister and her hilarious friend Toupée and I - were being so loud we had the neighbours next door bang on the wall so violently it freaked us all out. Then we were quiet and well-behaved girls. Honest. Not another peep.

The Sister and Toupée made a funny video about the whole ordeal in which they whisper about the mad banger on the banging wall and giggle to themselves. I'll see if they'll let me post it.

Do you know how long it's been since I had a noise complaint? How awesome is that?! I felt like a rocker girl. I contemplated trashing the room but unfortunately I am without the rocker salary. Tragic.

I slept a total of four hours but am happy to report that there was a Fourbucks in the hotel lobby. Bastette bought me a very big latte and that kept me going. Speaking of Bastette, she's my sponsee and she's gorgeous. Check it out:


(She is gorgeous, but really I just wanted to show off my hair again.)

We checked out and I had brunch with The Sister and I came home. Because, honestly, there was nothing left to do. I had pampered, I had partied, I had partaken in shopping and food. What more was there? For just over 24 hours afterwards I was the happiest - and most exhausted - person alive. Then yesterday's dentistry surprises occurred and I felt glum. Refreshed, but glum.

At least I'm refreshed. And I have cute hair, feet and shoes. Not to be confused with "hairy feet in shoes". If you read that you need to go back, read slower and stop watching Lord of the Rings.

Besides, hobbits don't even wear shoes.

Duh.