Since Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I thought it appropriate to update some of our well-known thoughts on love. They just seem outdated and a little idealistic for this day and age. So, without further ado (because I'm speaking at a meeting tonight and have a million things to do first), I present to you my own personal spin on some old favourites:

There is no remedy for love but to love more date a few jerks.
- Henry David Thoreau

True love begins when nothing is looked for in return he tells you the vasectomy worked.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love Cardio.
- Sophocles

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired a few pounds heavier because you're not in the dating scene anymore.
- Mark Twain

Come, let us make love deathless out of something chocolaty.
- Herbert Trench

The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable this weird wart thing that your doctor can give you cream for.
-Victor Hugo

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart a universal remote, o r maybe a game console.
- Josiah G. Holland

Harmony is pure love, for love is a concerto playing Rockband together.
- Lope De Vega

To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed means I had to sign a pre-nup.
--Unknown

In love there are two things: bodies and words vowels: o and e.
- Joyce Carol Oates

Love Co-dependence is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
- Robert Heinlein

Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me Get the hell out of my fridge.
- Sarah Bernhardt