Mavenly Advice, Week 1: The Energetic Prostitute
I said I was going to do it, and gosh darn it, I did.
Today and every Monday from now until I lose interest I will be answering questions and giving my excellent advice on the internets for all to see. I've chosen two questions this week: one of them is about me and the other is not about me. Naturally, we'll start with me first.
Dear Maven, You seem very busy all the time. I just want to know where you get all your energy from?
- Always Seriously Sleepy
Dear ASS,
Thank you for your question. It's definitely a good one. The answer is that I go to the local oxygen bar three times a week. I suck back some pure O2
like it's nobody's business and that keeps me going for the most part. I also drink two pots of coffee every morning, do steroids and mainline speed.
Rock on, and on, and on, and on and on andonandonandonand *thump*
The Maven
*~*~*~*~*~*
Dear Maven,
As part of our weekly budget I get an allowance for my stay-at-home-mom stuff. After taking two children out a few times money gets tight. I've come to realize my husband will give me more money for sexual favors. Since I'm normally too tired to put out much I can perform these favors in a matter of minutes. I could argue over needing more money but this is a lot easier. Three minutes in the shower netted me $60 the other day. That's a lot of coffee money!
My question is: is what I'm doing considered prostitution, and is that wrong?
- The Lady in the Shower
Dear LITS,
According to the deities at Merriam-Webster's, prostitution is " the act or practice of engaging in promiscuous sexual relations especially for money". So, my friend, you are, by definition, a hooker. Congratulations!
That being said, we must consider where you're using your *ahem* talents. This is your husband, not some stranger. And you're at home raising his kids. You don't have an income. You're doing something you would probably be doing anyway, except that it's also earning you extra cash. Is that really prostitution? Tough call.
The important thing is that cash can buy you things like coffee, and coffee is good. So I really don't see a problem with this scenario. And, if you were my friend and buying me coffee with your hard-earned money (pun very much intended), I would see even less of a problem, but that's because I'm very selfish.
If, for some reason, you begin to feel degraded by this situation, I have a couple of suggestions: You could either lower your moral standards (it's always been my personal choice), or you could give a course on how to earn that much money in three minutes of sexual favours. I bet you would have a line-up out the door! If there's a niche market for pole dancing and cybersex classes, why not for shower whoring?
In short, keep up the hard work (the pun is probably getting old now, isn't it?). If you're worth paying for after what I'm assuming is years of togetherness, you are a freaking goddess. Drink an extra latte for me, why don't you?
Contemplating not putting out as much,
The Maven
Today and every Monday from now until I lose interest I will be answering questions and giving my excellent advice on the internets for all to see. I've chosen two questions this week: one of them is about me and the other is not about me. Naturally, we'll start with me first.
Dear Maven, You seem very busy all the time. I just want to know where you get all your energy from?
- Always Seriously Sleepy
Dear ASS,
Thank you for your question. It's definitely a good one. The answer is that I go to the local oxygen bar three times a week. I suck back some pure O2
like it's nobody's business and that keeps me going for the most part. I also drink two pots of coffee every morning, do steroids and mainline speed.
Rock on, and on, and on, and on and on andonandonandonand *thump*
The Maven
*~*~*~*~*~*
Dear Maven,
As part of our weekly budget I get an allowance for my stay-at-home-mom stuff. After taking two children out a few times money gets tight. I've come to realize my husband will give me more money for sexual favors. Since I'm normally too tired to put out much I can perform these favors in a matter of minutes. I could argue over needing more money but this is a lot easier. Three minutes in the shower netted me $60 the other day. That's a lot of coffee money!
My question is: is what I'm doing considered prostitution, and is that wrong?
- The Lady in the Shower
Dear LITS,
According to the deities at Merriam-Webster's, prostitution is " the act or practice of engaging in promiscuous sexual relations especially for money". So, my friend, you are, by definition, a hooker. Congratulations!
That being said, we must consider where you're using your *ahem* talents. This is your husband, not some stranger. And you're at home raising his kids. You don't have an income. You're doing something you would probably be doing anyway, except that it's also earning you extra cash. Is that really prostitution? Tough call.
The important thing is that cash can buy you things like coffee, and coffee is good. So I really don't see a problem with this scenario. And, if you were my friend and buying me coffee with your hard-earned money (pun very much intended), I would see even less of a problem, but that's because I'm very selfish.
If, for some reason, you begin to feel degraded by this situation, I have a couple of suggestions: You could either lower your moral standards (it's always been my personal choice), or you could give a course on how to earn that much money in three minutes of sexual favours. I bet you would have a line-up out the door! If there's a niche market for pole dancing and cybersex classes, why not for shower whoring?
In short, keep up the hard work (the pun is probably getting old now, isn't it?). If you're worth paying for after what I'm assuming is years of togetherness, you are a freaking goddess. Drink an extra latte for me, why don't you?
Contemplating not putting out as much,
The Maven