The Maven: Advice Columnist?
A couple of quick things, because I'm trying to get to bed before midnight:
1. Writers should never watch the movie Capote. I'm traumatized. Fascinated, but traumatized. And since there's no money in the ol' budget for therapy, this is a bit of an issue. Nothing a bag of chips won't fix, I suppose.
2. For the longest time I've wanted to realize my dream of being an advice columnist. Now, since nobody in their right mind would pay me money to do such a thing in my oh-so-Mavenly way, I think I might like to try it on my blog, maybe once a week. I could answer between 1 and 3 questions, depending on how many people are
stupid enough
interested in hearing me tell them how to live their lives.
And, since I'm sure I'll get thousands of desparate fan mail pouring in daily (pretty much like now, but with questions) I'll be able to feel incredibly superior by picking my favourites.
So basically, I'm whoring out my vast knowledge to the masses. You are the masses, just so we're clear. Would you like to know how to properly parent your little crumbsnatcher? How to make your spouse happy? How to have a sensible conversation with little Timmy's teacher without resorting to jabbing her ear with a pencil? Drop me a line by touching my monkey (there's a link on the side, too ----> ) and I'll answer your life-altering questions.
Oh, and, like any good advice columnist, I will ensure your confidentiality. We'll come up with some fun pen name. You pick it or I will. So you might want to pick it. I'm not terribly creative and you could end up looking like a dumbass with a bad name.
That's it. I'm going to bed now. I did manage to get a good night's sleep last night and I hope to get another tonight. Then I'll be well rested when I make a fool out of myself speaking about my sober (and previously not-so-sober) self tomorrow night.
1. Writers should never watch the movie Capote. I'm traumatized. Fascinated, but traumatized. And since there's no money in the ol' budget for therapy, this is a bit of an issue. Nothing a bag of chips won't fix, I suppose.
2. For the longest time I've wanted to realize my dream of being an advice columnist. Now, since nobody in their right mind would pay me money to do such a thing in my oh-so-Mavenly way, I think I might like to try it on my blog, maybe once a week. I could answer between 1 and 3 questions, depending on how many people are
And, since I'm sure I'll get thousands of desparate fan mail pouring in daily (pretty much like now, but with questions) I'll be able to feel incredibly superior by picking my favourites.
So basically, I'm whoring out my vast knowledge to the masses. You are the masses, just so we're clear. Would you like to know how to properly parent your little crumbsnatcher? How to make your spouse happy? How to have a sensible conversation with little Timmy's teacher without resorting to jabbing her ear with a pencil? Drop me a line by touching my monkey (there's a link on the side, too ----> ) and I'll answer your life-altering questions.
Oh, and, like any good advice columnist, I will ensure your confidentiality. We'll come up with some fun pen name. You pick it or I will. So you might want to pick it. I'm not terribly creative and you could end up looking like a dumbass with a bad name.
That's it. I'm going to bed now. I did manage to get a good night's sleep last night and I hope to get another tonight. Then I'll be well rested when I make a fool out of myself speaking about my sober (and previously not-so-sober) self tomorrow night.