So I thought I would take a cute picture of me in a Santa hat. I see sexy-pouty pics of hot girls all the time in festive headgear. Why couldn't I have one, too? Sure I'm a little pudgy and have a funny looking nose, but I can pull off cute, right?

Right?

Damnit.

Wrong. After about ten attempts I threw the hat off and took this. Sadly, it was my best one. My best one! Can you believe it? When I saw the other pictures I nearly relapsed on leftover meat pie.

But that's ok. I'm feeling better now. I was just tired, that's all. And bloated from the thousands of calories I mainlined into my system over the last couple of weeks. And shiny.... Why am I so shiny? Someone once told me that my problematic skin will mean fewer wrinkles later. Please let that be the silver lining for the current glare on my forehead. I would really like that.

The gremlins had a blast on Christmas morning. Mrs. Claus had money to buy Rock Band for herself... um... Intrepid... yeah... because she bought some of the other big ticket items at a consignment store. Two-year-olds don't notice that their talking vacuum has a My Little Pony sticker on its eyeball unless you point it out. Six-year-olds don't notice the slightly scuffed tail on their remote controlled dragon because it has flashy red eyes and it's really, really loud (why did Mrs. Claus get that again?)






Spawnling is going to be a rock star one day. Mark my words. It's all in how you hold your guitar. Observe:



Pretty pimp, if I do say so myself. He even has the attitude. For example, he had no qualms about telling Geekster's aunt off when she said anything at all to him on Boxing Day. "No! Don't talk to me!" he stated while pointing his finger at her. Then he would glare for a second or two more before turning his back on her. That's on par with walking out of an interview with Rolling Stone because they asked about your musical influences for the upcoming album. Rock on, Spawnling, Rock Star Diva. Rock on.

The manger survived the Christmas season (mostly) intact. I took on a picture on J-Day before all the guests arrived and it was (mostly) unmolested.


I said mostly.

Also, if you ever read the manger post (and if you haven't read it you probably want to) you would recall that I was relieved the *ahem* Christmas deer were non-breakable. Since Mary is now an amputee and Joseph has made his way toward the light it's good that mini J.C. has all these critters to care for him.

But upon closer inspection I do have some questions and concerns about what's going on during the postpartum period.


I knew someone should put some clothes on poor baby Jesus. He's so cold that he's pulled a fawn on top of himself for warmth. But... what's this? Are they branding the animals now? Have they turned the manger into a venison farm? With Mary being a single mom now I can hardly blame her, but it just seems so against my own principles as a vegetarian. I will need to talk to her about this delicate topic. I'll pretty much let her do what she wants though. The girl has some backup given who her baby daddy is.

Also, I think they're using some funky growth hormones to up production. The only problem is that some of the steer are growing fawns out of their necks. That can't be healthy.


AHHH! What the hell is on the roof?!


Bambi and the "fairy" have been replaced with Super Kabu Animee Santa Starzilla! He's big scary and his belt is crooked. What a badass! Watch out, everyone! He's throwing giant snowflakes at you while screaming "DECLAN".

It's a good thing the manger is going away for the year or we'd probably have more destruction to contend with. I wonder if I can eBay a Joseph? I bet I can. Forget housework and diaper changes: I now have some real work to do - the work of God!