The lovely XUP has a neat-o time sink on her blog called 5 questions, or something very much like that. Essentially, I begged her to interview me (because, like that obnoxious guy you were out on a blind date with last week, I love to talk about myself). She sent me five questions of her choosing. I had to reply to them on my blog, which I have. How exciting for everyone!

Feel like getting involved? Read below how you can ask ME to interview YOU. Yes, I will do that for you. I won't even charge. I am a giving person with my limited time.

XUP's burning questions for The Maven:

1. If you could go back in time for 10 minutes and change something about your life, what would it be?

Easy: I would appear in my parents' house sometime around 1982 and sit next to my six-year-old self on the couch. She would have been holding the box of Smarties she bought at the store because she was having a bad day. I would say to her "Hey, shorty. Listen to me. Eating your feelings? Soooo not worth it. Don't do it, man. You're going to have acne and a rather large nose to contend with, and you'll be going grey by your mid-twenties. Do you really want a weight problem, too? I didn't think so. Now, be a sweetheart and hand me the chocolate, ok? Time travel is very stressful."

2. Do you really love all your kids exactly the same or do you love one more than the others? (or one less?)

This is a complicated question and I'm not a very complicated girl. First, I shall grab my smarties.

I don't think it's possible to love them all exactly the same, but I do love them all equally. Gutsy makes me want to tear my hair out sometimes, but he also makes me laugh more than the others so that's saved him a trip to the sausage factory on more than one occasion (What? Like you didn't know that's how they make sausages so tender.)

Intrepid has the whole drama queen pre-teen angst stuff going on and was by far the most challenging baby/toddler/preschooler, but these days he likes to have in-depth discussions about global warming, politics and religion with me while I make dinner or drive us somewhere. He really is a Mini-Maven (but came with the optional penis package). Between you, me, and my massive blog readership, the fact that someone so intelligent came from my body makes me feel like somewhat of a genius myself.

And Spawnling? He's the baby. Of course I'm going to love him a lot. He could kick me in the nose every day and I'd still consider him golden. That's the beauty of being the baby.

But to answer your question: I love them all very much. I just prefer one's company a little bit more sometimes. Right now it's the one who can play Rock Band with me, but don't tell the others. They might take up some nose kicking.

3. What TV program do you never want to miss?

House. Anyone who can pull the crap Greg House does and still have a job is my freaking hero. I want to be as cool as he is. I thought about faking an injury so I could get pimped out with a cane like him, but then logic kicked in. Damn logic. And popping painkillers like Pez might not work out so well for this recovering addict.

4. How would you resolve the current transit strike?

With a simple game of roshambo ( source).

This form of roshambo, which can be played by members of either sex, involves two players taking turns kicking each other's genitals. The first player to fall down in pain loses. This game is not only a form of mortification of the flesh, but as a manifestation of the groin attack, is potentially deadly.

It's fairly straightforward, isn't it? Imagine how quickly issues could be resolved with a few kicks in the junk. I, for one, think the world would be a better place, complete with running buses.

5. What's the most disgusting thing you've ever personally witnessed and/or seen?

George W. Bush being elected for a second time.

Here are the rules if you want to participate in 5 Questions.

1. Send me an email saying: ”Interview Me” to mavenmayhem@gmail.com
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You can then answer the questions on your blog.
4. You should also post these rules along with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed.
5. Anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog. I would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger.