Merry Christmas, happy (belated) Hanukkah, joyous Kwanzaa! May your day be merry and your stocking full of loot. May you have a moment to sneak off and use the computer when no one else is looking because they're too busy assembling Rock Band that you specifically bought for your child so you could play it with him.

May you stuff your face full of calories and with no guilt because it's Christmas, and yet feel oddly conflicted if you're a Christian because gluttony is a sin (good thing I'm not religious). May you drink too many coffees because you have a lot of cleaning and cooking to do before everyone shows up at 4PM for Christmas dinner, and your fridge stinks and you have to clean it before someone opens the door and barfs on your kitchen floor.

May you remember all the wonderful people in your life and hope they are truly blessed this fine Christmas day. May you also remember the people you don't like and, try as you might to overcome your resentments, secretly hope they get the American Idol runner up CD as their "big" gift so you can imagine them trying not to cry. And, when you feel a little bad for snickering to yourself over such a thought, may you unceremoniously stuff your face with chocolate from your own, bountiful stocking.

May your husband surprise you by installing new phones last night that don't crap out when you're talking to them and not tell you he did it, so that when you get something from the kitchen this morning you practically jump for joy at seeing the non-archaic technology on the counter, and anxiously await your first Christmas phone call. May he also buy you a new keyboard so that you once again have a back arrow and an ALT and SHIFT key on the left side (thanks Spawnling).

May your hearts be merry this day, my friends. Be nice to the guy down the road who's never nice to you; wave at him or, better yet, go right up and french kiss him. Nothing says "peace on earth" like a tongue down your throat.

May your gremlins behave themselves for at least a few hours so you can get stuff done today, and not constantly ask you to play with them or help them figure out a new toy or break up a fight or make one of their brothers share. May they hide their horns for just a short while, please oh please oh please. May you now disappear before your husband figures out you're on the computer and plots a terrible gift for next year.

Must go: Gutsy is showing me his loud, beeping metal detector (what was I thinking?!)

Seriously though: Have fun, party people. Embrace the day. Love everyone. Eat your turkey, save me some cake. Thanks.

(Photo credit: Photolush, my wonderful sister, who I didn't have to buy for this year because we did a gift exchange, but who I will share my new magazine with)