I have to be honest with my American counterparts.

Over the last eight years I haven't liked your country very much. It's crowded, it's dirty (do you have any idea how big your ecological footprint is?) and it's full of fat cat politicians who only think of themselves and their oil-drilling buddies. You've seen them around: They all have curly mustaches, top hats and cigars, and their bellies are the size of a keg of beer. They wear suspenders. They cackle while they count their change. They kick puppies.

They're bad people and they're friends with your president. That's made me say "The United States" with much disdain, sort of like if I was spitting out poop. I've spent nights wondering how Al Gore can keep preaching environmental revolution to people who obviously prefer profits and McMansions over breathable air.

Oh, don't get me wrong: I like a lot of individual Americans. I just haven't trusted or respected you as a collective (the Borg are a collective too, you know). And now I can admit that, because everything has changed.

Last night you showed me that you you can go from suckage to awesome in 2.8 seconds. That you can actually live up to your reputation as the country to watch. You rocked my world more than Coldplay.

More than freaking Coldplay! I mean, nobody rocks me more than them.

Thank you for going out to vote in record numbers. Thank you for choosing the right candidate to lead your country and the world. I melt when he speaks. I believe what he says. I know he will change our world. If he ran a cult I would most likely drink his Kool-aid. He's amazing and he's giving me hope for all of us that I haven't had in a long time.

Huge props to you, America. To celebrate, I will no longer refer to you as 'Amurkans' because, after January 20th, you will no longer have a president who can't say it right. Wasn't the entire electoral process worth it just for that?

Oh, and he also said "nukler wepunz" which made me want to tear my ears off.

Congratulations, America. I am so proud of you. And I know what I think matters to you very much. You're welcome.