"Maven! Put the chips down. Drop them NOW!

Good. Now back away, slowly.

That's it. Now I'm just going to reach over and carefully grab the bag to put it away in the pan...

What are you doing with that fire poker? Stay back! STAY BACK! NO, DON'T! ST..."

*thud*


Oh, hi there! Nice to see you. I was just washing up.

The sharp stick thing in my hand? Oh, that. Yeah. I was just having a little fire. Want to come in and sit for a while? Just follow that trail of... ketchup. It'll lead you straight in there.

Three boys. Ketchup. You know. Heh.

It's funny you showed up completely unexpectedly without calling first or anything like most people would. Why did you do that again? I was interviewing a personal trainer this afternoon. I was checking to see if he was.... Uh, is... a good fit for me and my lifestyle.

He just... left. Like, a few minutes ago.

It didn't work out so well, unfortunately. Turns out that we're not in agreement on certain key issues. He says lentils and I say chocolate. He says they're not the same and I say chocolate comes from a bean, so what's the difference? He calls that semantics. Semantics! Can you believe that? He's far too black and white in his thinking. I bet he became a personal trainer because he likes to torture fat women. His fat mother probably beat him with a spatula or something.

What are those in the fire, you say? ... Oh! Those. No. They're not running shoes. They're environmentally friendly logs. You can buy them at Walmart. They're made with rubber and vinyl so as to burn extra clean. Did you think I was actually burning sneakers? You're so funny!

Want a drink? How about some chips? I just have to wash the ketchup off the bag.

Did I mention I started my period today? No PMS symptoms whatsoever! I'm not even moody. Isn't that amazing?

Uh, listen. I said some chips, ok? You might want to save me some. Just sayin'.