The Tale of Two Mavens
Gather 'round, kids. Let me tell you a little story:
Once upon a time, there was a girl. No, actually, she was more than that: She was a beautiful girl. And smart, too. And terribly popular, let's not forget that. She was invited to many social gatherings, had opinions about current events, and went to movies on opening weekend.
One fine Saturday night, at the age of sixteen, she met a boy. He was dashing enough to be a prince, which is what he actually was, underneath all that leather and spiked up hair. He really liked her, obviously, because what wasn't there to like? They fell in love quickly, and he declared: "Beautiful Smart Terribly Popular Girl, please be my girlfriend and eventually my wife. Come away with me to my one bedroom apartment in a trendy yet prostitute-ridden part of town, and we'll ignore the used condoms on the sidewalk as we stroll the streets in search of delicious coffee."
This was too good a deal to pass up for the Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular Girl was positively smitten with the Dashing, Leather-Wearing Prince with Spikey Hair. So she moved her suitcase of meagre possessions from the downtown YM/YWCA into the newly leased one-bedroom palace.
Life was grand: They hand-picked furniture from the finest thrift stores in town, ate ramen noodles by candlelight, and giggled quietly as they tiptoed past the open door of the drug dealers living downstairs, trying not to wake their 150lb rottweiler.
It was love and it was beautiful. It would have been a time for celebration, except they were way too poor to do any celebrating that did not involve a payday loan. But a dark force was brewing inside the Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular Girl. A force that could only be so dark because it was inside her uterus and no light got in there.
A small, egg-like creature burrowed its way into the belly of our heroine, causing her pain and sickness. The Prince tried to find a wise woman to advise his lover, but quickly found out that any wise woman in that part of the kingdom was really talking to herself and not any actual spirits. So, he did what any good boyfriend would do: he told his girlfriend that nothing would change, that they were ready for this and that it was all part of the grand adventure.
Nine months later, the egg-like creature crawled its way out of the darkness. It was really cute by now, so they called it Intrepid and decorated a room for it. However, unbeknownst to anyone, the creature had magical powers. And very soon therafter, the Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular Girl started to feel the effects of its spells.
First, she would forget things. She forgot where the shower was or what her pillow felt like. She forgot about matching clothes, concealer and pretty bras. Before long, she forgot all about what going out was like, who her friends were and what she liked to do on a Saturday night other than watch Law & Order reruns. The Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular girl had suddenly become ,simply, The Girl.
(But don't worry, because the Prince married her and she then became the Princess. So it's not all bad.)
For many years she was bewitched by adorable creatures who emerged from her belly. They smiled and cooed and told her they loved her. They brought her much joy; so much that the veil between her old life and her new became heavier. Entranced by these beings, her old life became a distant memory. She dismissed it with words like shallow, and without meaning. The creatures relished her dedication to them, as they never went without clean clothing, rides in the royal coach, or homecooked meals from the palace kitchen.
But one dark and stormy night, after the youngest creature had just turned two, a cloaked figure arrived at the palace gates. She had cute hair under that cloak, sort of like a pixie. She handed the Princess a letter.
A letter that could change everything.
Part II tomorrow.
(Ok, I know, I know. It's just that sometimes I need to write something that resembles fiction. If you don't like it, Captain Bringdown, feel free to go read about how peaches are canne d or something.)
Once upon a time, there was a girl. No, actually, she was more than that: She was a beautiful girl. And smart, too. And terribly popular, let's not forget that. She was invited to many social gatherings, had opinions about current events, and went to movies on opening weekend.
One fine Saturday night, at the age of sixteen, she met a boy. He was dashing enough to be a prince, which is what he actually was, underneath all that leather and spiked up hair. He really liked her, obviously, because what wasn't there to like? They fell in love quickly, and he declared: "Beautiful Smart Terribly Popular Girl, please be my girlfriend and eventually my wife. Come away with me to my one bedroom apartment in a trendy yet prostitute-ridden part of town, and we'll ignore the used condoms on the sidewalk as we stroll the streets in search of delicious coffee."
This was too good a deal to pass up for the Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular Girl was positively smitten with the Dashing, Leather-Wearing Prince with Spikey Hair. So she moved her suitcase of meagre possessions from the downtown YM/YWCA into the newly leased one-bedroom palace.
Life was grand: They hand-picked furniture from the finest thrift stores in town, ate ramen noodles by candlelight, and giggled quietly as they tiptoed past the open door of the drug dealers living downstairs, trying not to wake their 150lb rottweiler.
It was love and it was beautiful. It would have been a time for celebration, except they were way too poor to do any celebrating that did not involve a payday loan. But a dark force was brewing inside the Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular Girl. A force that could only be so dark because it was inside her uterus and no light got in there.
A small, egg-like creature burrowed its way into the belly of our heroine, causing her pain and sickness. The Prince tried to find a wise woman to advise his lover, but quickly found out that any wise woman in that part of the kingdom was really talking to herself and not any actual spirits. So, he did what any good boyfriend would do: he told his girlfriend that nothing would change, that they were ready for this and that it was all part of the grand adventure.
Nine months later, the egg-like creature crawled its way out of the darkness. It was really cute by now, so they called it Intrepid and decorated a room for it. However, unbeknownst to anyone, the creature had magical powers. And very soon therafter, the Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular Girl started to feel the effects of its spells.
First, she would forget things. She forgot where the shower was or what her pillow felt like. She forgot about matching clothes, concealer and pretty bras. Before long, she forgot all about what going out was like, who her friends were and what she liked to do on a Saturday night other than watch Law & Order reruns. The Beautiful, Smart and Terribly Popular girl had suddenly become ,simply, The Girl.
(But don't worry, because the Prince married her and she then became the Princess. So it's not all bad.)
For many years she was bewitched by adorable creatures who emerged from her belly. They smiled and cooed and told her they loved her. They brought her much joy; so much that the veil between her old life and her new became heavier. Entranced by these beings, her old life became a distant memory. She dismissed it with words like shallow, and without meaning. The creatures relished her dedication to them, as they never went without clean clothing, rides in the royal coach, or homecooked meals from the palace kitchen.
But one dark and stormy night, after the youngest creature had just turned two, a cloaked figure arrived at the palace gates. She had cute hair under that cloak, sort of like a pixie. She handed the Princess a letter.
A letter that could change everything.
Part II tomorrow.
(Ok, I know, I know. It's just that sometimes I need to write something that resembles fiction. If you don't like it, Captain Bringdown, feel free to go read about how peaches are canne d or something.)