(You'll want to read Part I and Part II first, otherwise this will suck even worse.)

The coffee shop was crowded with patrons who were out and about on a Wednesday night. Men and woman alike, awaiting drinks and chatting loudly as soothing music played.

The Princess removed her shawl and let her hair fall out of her favourite scrunchy. She looked about accusingly, glaring at anyone who dare glance her way. What were these fools doing out on a weeknight? Didn't they have commitments at home? And if not, didn't they have laundry to catch up on?

Yet, she was here without the creatures who needed her so. She had been a horrible mother and ran off into the night once they were sleeping. Would the Prince know where their sippy cups were, or where the jar of gecko eyeballs was if one of them needed a late night snack? What if Gutsy woke up with a bad dream about not being able to conquer the world with rage and hate and really sharp claws? Her heart was suddenly filled with guilt, a flood of tears about to cascade down her cheeks.

It was then that she saw the symbol that was stamped in wax on the letter. A bag of useless and yet oddly enticing crap sat perched on a table. She saw a silk scarf dangling out the side and had a strong desire to try it on to see if it brought out her eyes. Next to it, a book prominently featuring an indecently clothed couple about to kiss looked like the type of trash one would read if one wasn't busy making bunny face pancakes with chocolate chips and a little bit of jam but not too much and definitely no peanut butter because that's gross and nobody will eat them and they'll all start crying and miss the coach to school-type breakfasts every morning.

This must be the table, thought the Princess, as she put on her worst casual smile and began strutting over, nearly tripping over someone's chair leg and catching herself just before becoming part of a Grande Decaf Mocha With Princess Face Latte.

A group of vibrant, smiling women sat around the table. They were drinking designer coffees with no little ankle-biting demons in sight.

"Smart, Beautiful and Terribly Popular Princess!" declared an uncloaked pixie-like woman.

The Princess glanced over her shoulder to see if there was someone there. She looked to her right, to the left, and even at the ceiling. Finally, a realization dawned on her. "Oh! You're talking about me! I haven't been called that in a very long time. I'm just a Girl now. Well, a Princess, but none of that other stuff."

The women at the table looked at each other knowingly before the pixie-like one with the short, blond hair stood up and held out her hand. "Welcome, then, Just a Princess. I'm Pixie, leader of T.H.O.N.G, or The Horde Of Naughty Girls. We're an organization dedicated to restoring memories of women in... your situation. Please, have a seat. Would you like a drink?"

The Princess took a seat between two lovely women. They had matching clothing and their hair was did. Highlights, even. She pointed to whatever the brunette was having and said "I'll have that, I guess."

"Sure thing, hon," said pixie, and called over to a gentleman behind the counter. "A half-sweet, soy chai latte with cinnamon, extra hot." The gentleman repeated the exact same thing to another man in a green robe who stood in front of a contraption of metal and heat. A forge, perhaps? The green-robed man repeated the order back and proceeded to make a lot of noise with the contraption until it produced a cup filled with sweet-smelling liquid. He then called out the order a final time as he set it on the bar.

"Merlin is such a whiz at what he does," declared a thin, readheaded woman across the table.

"Why do they repeat the same words over and over?" asked the Princess. "Can't they just write it down on the side of the cup or something?"

"They do, but repeating it makes the incantation more powerful. The more they say it the better the drink is. Besides, doesn't it make you feel special that what you want is said out loud? Totally worth the four pence!"

Weird, thought the Princess. What kind of whack job place is this? Out of anywhere in the kingdom we had to come to a Starre Bux. They're so fringe. I guess that's why there are only 438 of these in the kingdom.

Pixie made her way back to the table with the hot beverage and placed it before T.H.O.N.G.'s potential new member.

"Just a Princess, this is an important moment in your life, the Prince's life and for all your subjects. If you agree to drink this magical potion - the ingredients within grown in legendary warm climates and brewed by specially trained Wizardly Baristas - your perception of the world will dramatically change."

Distracted by the lack of usual distractions, it took the Princess a moment to reply. "Oh, um, sorry. Yeah. Got it. Uh-huh. Dramatic change and stuff. Anyone know what time it is? I wonder if Spawnling is crying for me yet. It's been, like, twenty minutes or something."

Pixie sighed and looked at her T.H.O.N.G. sisterhood. "It's worse than I thought. The spell over her is strong." The others nodded in agreement, their lip gloss perfectly reflecting bits of candlelight as they did.

"Is there any hope for her? Maybe she needs something stronger, like a double espresso." offered the brunette with auburn streaks and great nails.

The Princess stood up and started to put on her shawl. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. This is some kind of mistake. I have a family at home that needs me. Three boys. Three. That's a lot of need right there. They want food and clean clothes and help with their homework and a drive to their sparring lessons and their helmets polished before the jousting tournaments and a fresh supply of pickled swine tongue surprise every weekend and... and... I just have to go home, okay? You might want to do the same before your family gets upset with you, too. Oh, of course! You don't have a family or you wouldn't be out. My apologies."

"Actually, we all have families, Just a Princess." said a calm and steady Pixie.

"...But, but... You're out... without your hoofed ones? Without holding on to their tails so they won't eat someone's dog at the park? You're lying. Mothers don't do stuff alone."

"No, they usually don't. But we're trying to change that; to start a movement. For too long we've been living for the creatures who are born to us. The ones who implant themselves in our wombs and feed off our life energy. We believe we can have a simbiotic relationship with these beings instead of a parasitic one. That we can live in harmony, striking a balance between our needs and their own."

Shocked and in utter disbelief, the Princess began to back away from the table. "You, you heathens! You speak blasphemy! No woman should be anything but a humble servant to those she brings into the world. What you're saying will send you straight to hell, I tell you! As the Princess of this kingdom I won't stand idly by while you destroy the fabric of family life. I shall have my guards seize you! I shall burn all your books about romance and other silly fantasies! We shall demolish every Starre Bux in the name of homegrown values! And I'm totally going to key your ride on the way out and you can't do anything about it because I'm the damn princess. Neener neener!" With that, the Princess turned and started making her way across the now silent establishment.

Suddenly, Pixie called out: "Do you remember being invited to parties that didn't involve loot bags? Think, Just a Princess. Please. Just try..."

The Princess stopped dead in her tracks, for in the darkest recesses of her mind, she faintly recalled seeing invitations with her and the Prince's names on it instead of Intrepid's, Gutsy's or Spawnling's. The more she thought about it, the more she recalled: appetizers, new shoes, rock music with swear words, dirty jokes, gag gifts...

"Quickly, Pixie! It's now or never!" cried a voice from the T.H.O.N.G. table. In an instant, the grande half-sweet soy chai latte concoction was in the Princess' hand. Before she could think about it, our heroine took a swig of the steamy hot beverage and scalded her insides. But nevermind that because something else was happening (and she would probably get a sexy husky voice for a few weeks anyway. Painful, but sexy.)

The Princess felt very strange, indeed. She ran into the bathroom (rather, over to the chamber pot behind a curtain in the corner, but it's nicer to call it a bathroom) and had a look at herself in the mirror.

"Oh. My. Freaking. God. What the hell am I wearing? A red shawl over a green sash and a grey gown? Hello, this is the year 1525 calling. We'd like our outfit back, please. And what's with my hair? Is that grey? Princesses don't have grey hair. Your tax dollars pay me to look hot. I do NOT look hot right now!"

Pixie smiled a wide grin. "Our work here is done, ladies. Why don't we give the Smart, Beautiful and Terribly Popular Princess some space before she beheads us? I'm way to pretty to be beheaded. Besides, I just had my skin exfoliated..."


The next morning, Intrepid made his way down to the kitchen in an absolute tizzy. "Mother! I can't find my horn polish. Where is it?"

"And what's this crap we're eating? These are not bunny face pancakes, and I think I see peanut butter!" a disgruntled Gutsy chimed in.

"Oxen blood! Oxen bloooooood!!" raged Spawnling.

Sitting calmly at the table sipping something chai-ish, their mother put down her book with two people making out on the cover and smiled warmly to her podlings. "Intrepid, your horn polish is where you left it. Gutsy, I made you toast because we're out of jam and this book is too delish to put down anyway. Spawnling, your oxen blood will be squeezed for you in a minute, right after this chapter. Eat up you guys and have a great day at school. Don't sacrifice any neighbourhood cats today, ok? Mrs. Huntington is still upset about the last time."

The boys could have thrown a tantrum, but instead they nodded, ate their non-bunny-faced breakfast, hugged their mother and made their way out the door. What she had said came with a tone and look they had never seen in her before. "Drat," said Intrepid once they were outside. "T.H.O.N.G. got to her. Now that mother is free she's going to make sure the rest of them get lattes and start thinking for themselves. This is bad. The kids at school are so going to kick our asses."

"This is pretty good toast," said Gutsy.