My philosphy about why people have children: so they can raid their Hallowe'en bags after bedtime.

Don't lie. I know you do it. And if you're one of those people who doesn't, you either have a halo prominently displayed above your noggin or you're frightfully insane. Who wouldn't steal candy from their kids? It's your right as their parent. Did you not shell out for the costume? Heck, do you not give them food, shelter and the almighty XBox? Did you painstakingly blow up 5,000 balloons for little Ashley's birthday party last year at the germ-infested petting zoo?

I've had thirty pounds of children - that's worth at least as much in chocolate, damnit. Geekster and I indulged in all things sweet and crunchy and gooey while the gremlins slept on after their busy night out. It was a new episode of House, after all, and artery-destroying snacks are mandatory. Who eats carrot sticks on Hallowe'en night anyway? Do I look like a horse?

Don't answer that.

What this means is that I've tacked on at least another month of my extra six M&Ms, er, pounds of baby weight. Must I say that it was worth every minute? It was. Thanks for coming out.

Spawnling is doing a rare thing right now: sleeping without me holding him. *sigh* It appears my little demon is sprouting his horns at nearly three weeks postpartum. He's doing this whole grumpy thing that makes mommy a little insane (and if you add that to the amount of insanity I already have banked up, you can only guess where this is going). I think it's his tummy, but I haven't yet figured out why. I tried eliminating dairy in my diet and it did nothing. I've been diligent at making sure we don't have a lactose overload issue, which I know was a factor in his early days (funny how he can have 'early days' at three weeks of age).

Maybe he's just pissy like his mother: "He doesn't look like me, but he did inherit my crotchety gene".

I was watching a horrible depiction of attachment parenting this morning after following a link from Mothering (there's also a part 2 you should check out if you're interested). I must say how impressed I am at the sensational, negative spin they have going on. They obviously picked the most opinionated, crunchy families out there so they could lump us all into the same category. The 'crazy' category. Because while I didn't find most of what they do to be completely bonkers, I think most mainstream parents would, and that, I believe, is the whole point of that segment.

My favourite part was the american woman walking through what looked like a Babies R' Us, giving new names to old baby items. She stole my favourite one for crib, though. I've always jokingly called it a "baby jail", but only to get a laugh out of people. She was serious and it really took the fun out of it. However, she also had a fancy new term for the bouncy seat. I'm pleased to say that Spawnling is currently snoozing in his "Neglect-o-Matic" as I type this. I'm neglecting my baby to blog for my readers. It's all your fault.

Hehe... "Neglect-o-Matic". Brilliant! It really makes me want to use it more so I can tell people where he is.

Why didn't they interview me? I'm a good balance of the crunchy and the mainstream. Instead of full out granola, I'm more of a soft, warm oatmeal. Comforting, yet palatable to the masses. I breastfeed longterm, but all my newborns have had pacifiers. We co-sleep, but I also *gasp* put my children down in a bassinet or on a bed during the day sometimes so I can, you know, have my body to myself sometimes and do things that are more easily done without a child on me. I own and use two slings and a Snugli, but also love the stroller (with its amazing cup holders which fit a latte just perfectly). We use cloth diapers and we also use disposables when we go out for the day as well as through the night, because the little stinker will sleep through if he has some absorbancy. We eat organic food, but I also raid my children's candy and buy them Happy Meals sometimes. I believe homeschooling is amazing, but I have one in public school and one in a private preschool because they wanted to go and they enjoy it. We don't spank, but I do a great job at yelling sometimes. It's good for my lungs.

I don't feel bad for being a mediocre crunchy mama. Truth be told, I'm a huge slacker. Being entirely crunchy would take way too much effort, while being entirely mainstream just goes against my instincts as a parent. It's like being a decent hockey player: you'll never make the hall of fame, but you will get a great salary. I'm just doing my best to score some goals in the great game of parenting without showing off, that's all.

Speaking of which, I bet some people would like to know where the Hallowe'en pictures are from last night. Funny story, really. It involves me being too busy to get the camera out, thus missing great photo opportunities and - oh, yes - Spawling's first Hallowe'en. One of those memory thingies we'll never get back and will forget because we didn't get pictures of it. Booyeah, Maven. Good on you.

There shall be no mothering awards hanging upon my household walls, I'm afraid.