Unfortunately, while it graced a good portion of my relatives, it only bitchslapped me on the way out the door. Model material I am not, but I do have good lookin' children and a beautiful sister. She's as sweet on the inside as she is on the outside. And sorry to the many eligible bachelors who surely read my blog (you enjoy hearing about cervix effacement and breast engorgement, don't you?), but she's taken by a guy who reminds me of a much younger, Canadian Colin Firth.

Last night was rough. By 'rough', I mean I had to be up for about an hour from 3-4am to change two mustard-coloured diapers and calm a fussy baby. I also coughed out the rest of the phlegm (yum) that I had left over from my pre-Spawnling cold. Lying on my back for a day and a half really trapped the stuff in there. I wasn't even lying on my back for a fun reason, either.

Speaking of which, did you know that prostitutes now have their own websites? Ah, the internet: the great equalizer!

...

I bet you'd like to know how I came by this information. Well, it's Geekster's fault, but not in the way that immediately comes to mind when one thinks husbands and prostitutes.

In actuality he was at a McJunkles drive-thru and was handed a complimentary morning paper. I confiscated said paper that night while taking a bath and ended up reading some of the escort advertisements (it was hard not to, as there was about half a page dedicated to their 'services'). I was surprised to find that about 1/3 of them had their own webpages. Surely this couldn't be. Who in their right mind would advertise an illegal, local service so openly? That's like having an ad that says:

Steven "Cook It" Johnson, crack dealer
Great rates, honest service for over 10 years
Corner of Brooke and Sherwood
Cash only
www.crackinottawa.com

Well, didn't I jump (read: uncomfortably climb in my then pregnant state) out of the bath and run (read: inch slowly) downstairs to check out some of these sites. I got some interesting looks from Geekster until I explained to him what I was doing. It's not every day your nine month pregnant wife checks out websites advertising ladies of the night. However, he should expect these things by now. We have been together for 13 years.

I looked at about 7 or 8 before I came to the following conclusions:

1. Hookers really do advertise themselves online. Their websites range from Hot Dog Pro, do-it-yourself, nasty websites to full-out, professionally designed ones (I'd like to know how the web designers were paid. Hrm...)

2. Some of them come right out and say things like 'Don't you want my hot body? (click here for pics)', while others are more discreet, saying they're not implying any sexual services, only their 'company and time'. Uh-huh.

3. All of them post their hourly rates, which vary widely depending on their hotness level and, erm, experience.

4. Yes, virtually all of them have a photo gallery of nude or nearly nude, full body shots. What surprised me most was that they show their face. I guess that's an important selling point, but talk about being easily identified by law enforcement and angry spouses.

5. I found out what 'I don't speak Greek' means. I guess it's pretty obvious, but I just never clued in.

Anyway, very interesting stuff. Also, who knew you could get paid $300/hr? Apparently I picked the wrong career.

***

I should probably apologize to The Sister for discussing both her and prostitutes in the same post. It just sort of turned out that way and has absolutely nothing to do with her. I could make a joke about her impending B.A., but that would mean I might have to have some kind of education other than a PhD in Late Night Poop Patrol, which sadly I do not posess. If either of us ends up selling herself on the interweb out of sheer desperation, it won't be her.

And Spawnling still sleeps! Little stinker. I'm going to go read up on other people's lives. What's Mama Chaos doing lately? What about Beth? Kate? I've fallen off the face of the earth and it bothers me not to know what my fellow Bloggerellas are doing.